A Portrait of the Nigerian Politician
By
The Nigerian politician is an interesting character, a living paradox. Since he is at the moment, easily the most important public figure in Nigeria, it may well be useful to attempt to understand his psychology, his motivations and goals, and how these have significantly defined the nature of Nigerian politics and society. The politician that we speak of is a product of history. Many of his methods are learned habits. Politicians in some other countries go to the public space because they want to serve the community, and perhaps earn a name for themselves by enjoying the privileges of power. In Nigeria, the politician wants power too. But he is cunning , crafty, and unreliable. He is either a retired professional who needs to find something to do, an unemployed graduate in search of his first job, the child of a local chieftain who wants to exploit the family name and influence, or an unsuccessful contractor or professional in need of fresh challenges. Hardly would you ever find a Nigerian politician who is out to serve and please.
As a rule, very few successful people at the top of their careers go into politics. There are such persons, but they are in the minority, and they are the ones who often find it difficult to win nomination, or elections, because they are so principled, they are not ready to play politics the Nigerian way. If they are really ambitious, they learn the ropes in due course, and they become like the rest. To be a politician in Nigeria, you should be able to tell lies. You also need thugs who can protect you. Nigerian politics is always a step away from violence. So, you need a group of barrel-chested men who can spirit you away to safety when a fight breaks out at a party function, and who can stay behind to teach the opposition a lesson. To be a politician, you also have to assume that every man within the party is your enemy, and that you may find friends anywhere. Unless you are a member of the Afenifere, you are not supposed to have any principles at all. Even these days, the Afenifere people have been redefining their principles.
When you start your career as a young politician, you would most definitely need a Godfather. Without a Godfather, you can't hope to make any headway.
It is the Godfather who would introduce you to the grassroots, and present you as another "man of the people" who would solve all the problems that nobody
has been able to solve since 1914. He would carry you on his back. Usually, he is a money-bag with a lot of connections in high and low places, and who
over the years has built a machinery of influence and violence which can be placed at your disposal with startling efficiency. The Godfather would even
make money available for your campaign. The only problem is that Godfathers come in different shapes. In politics, they can be very demanding. All
Godfathers do not joke with loyalty. As long as you remain loyal, the sky is your limit. But, the day you start disobeying the Godfather, then you are in
trouble. He would disown you, and even issue a contract on your head and position. At least three Governors are currently in the battlefield against their
Godfathers. They may not necessarily win the battle. One Godfather used to place curses on the heads of any protZ
The successful Nigerian politician is the one who has access to a lot of money and is willing to spend it. You can start on a small scale and then grow big. If in ten years time, you want to go into politics, then start now. First, build a network of public influence. Attend naming ceremonies in your constituency. Help the local people pay their hospital bills. Go to ward meetings and buy drinks for the local politicians. Cultivate the local illiterate who is nevertheless very influential. Take a chieftaincy title. You need it. Donate to local projects. Long before MKO Abiola declared his interest in politics, he had made a name as a wealthy philanthropist. He operated at the highest levels possible, touching the lives of people across constituencies. He took chieftaincy titles from every part of Nigeria. He married women from every Senatorial district in the country. He was a master of strategic thinking. When he wanted to be President, the goodwill he needed was ready and available. You don't have to be as successful as Abiola.
But by all means, make sure you are known for something. Zik spoke the kind of English that fascinated the people. K. O. Mbadiwe was a bombastic linguistic bomber. The people loved him for it. SLA Akintola was the Oscar Wilde of Nigerian politics: he was witty beyond imagination, and to date, he still has an audience in Yoruba politics. Obafemi Awolowo had a special cap and a pair of glasses. He wrote books too. MKO Abiola also created a cap of his own. Bola Tinubu, the governor of Lagos, has re-invented the cap idea. Gbenga Daniels, the man who wants to succeed Aremo Osoba, is also using the cap idea. Osoba, the Governor of Ogun state takes every outing seriously: he dresses to kill at every occasion, he is one politician for whom every outing is an important statement. The Nigerian people love symbols and grand gestures: the point is that you have to give them something that they can relate to. In addition, make sure you have a beautiful wife, with a good dress sense. I don't have to explain why this is important. Just take a look at the wives of the Governors of Ogun, Lagos, Edo, Delta, Cross River and Ekiti, and how they have been helping their husbands with their beauty and brains. If you are going to be an important man in this country, then you have to show that you have real taste when it comes to women. This sounds silly, but it is part of the psychology of being a politician in this country. Nigerian politics is very visual, and a lot of people would be interested in whether or not you have an eye for beauty.
Now, you have won your party's nomination. You are now a candidate. You have to prepare for elections. You have to know that you cannot take anything for granted. The way the game is played is important. A few hours before voting begins, your agents would have to go from door to door, distributing raw cash. You also have to take care of the traditional rulers and religious leaders in your constituency. Many people would come to your house now and then: there must be drinks and food to eat. Don't worry about cost; the end justifies the means. Tie down cows, display cartons of drinks, give the impression that you are a generous entertainer. The electoral officials are important. Cultivate their friendship. Buy them cars. Give them money. They are just as cynical as everyone else anyway. They really don't care who wins in the end. As far as they are concerned, their appointment is a God-given opportunity to make some money too. They are not committed to any ideals about integrity and transparency. Exploit their weaknesses. Compromise them. You may win the election but what of the opposition? Every election in this country is rigged. Every Nigerian politician knows that. So you also have to cheat, but do so in constituencies where you have strong allies. The INEC officials will do the rest for you at the collation centre. Don't be fooled, they have collected gifts from your opponent too, but for God's sake make sure you are the highest bidder. You are in Nigeria, not England. Here, elections are won only by the highest bidders.
Congratulations! You have followed Nigerian politics to the letter. You have played the game the way it ought to be played. Your wife is now a First Lady. You are also the man in charge. Get this straight: you don't need the people again. Now, they need you. The table has turned. You can now afford to snub the people. They would come to you for contracts. They all want board appointments. They need recognition from your office. Old acquaintances want to be able to say that you are their friend. They are all at your mercy. You can now afford to chase them off the roads with your convoys and sirens. You are the people's prince but you don't have to worry about whether they like you or not. They have no option anyway. But for God's sake, make friends with the media. Appoint a gifted media assistant, whose job is to plant stories in the mass media. Nigerians believe what they read in papers or see on television. For God's sake also, try and make money. Open a foreign account. Buy houses in London and the United States. You are not a stupid man anyway: hopefully, when you were filling the declaration of assets form, you had taken the precaution to do anticipatory declaration, by inserting in the relevant columns all the things you intend to acquire using your position.
If you have a son who is ripe enough for marriage, now is the time to do that marriage. Make sure you invite every important man in town. They would give your son enough gifts to set him up in life. And if you have a daughter who has been hanging around, ask her to go out and look for a husband. She wouldn't have to try too hard. There are many young men out there who would give anything to marry the daughter of an important man. And when she succeeds, organize a wedding of the year. She is your daughter anyway, so she deserves to share out of the spoils of her father's office or connections. The Nigerian public official is mean, so be mean. There would be busy-bodies who want to probe you, write nonsense about you. Send your thugs after them. Blackmail them. Befriend them if you think they would be useful to you. Compromise them. In Nigerian politics, the end justifies the means. Always. Meanwhile, try and cultivate an air of piety. If you are a Moslem, make sure you go to the mosque every Friday. If you are a Christian, patronize the churches. Tell the gullible electorate that you are in the hands of God. They will believe you. Nigerians love religion. They are terribly superstitious.
Now, you are about to complete your first term. You have stolen enough money. You have taken care of your future and the future of your children and their grandchildren. But you still love power. You want to remain relevant. Now is the time to rediscover the people after a four-year separation. Write books about your achievements: the roads you tarred, the structures you didn't build but which are part of the budget. If you are a lawmaker, remind the people about what you are supposed to have done for them. Start visiting their homes again. Commission community projects. Get the media to write nice stories about you. Let them call you "the action Governor" or "the people's Senator". Attend public functions and pose for photographs with ethnic leaders and prominent politicians whose legitimacy can rub off on you. Get traditional rulers to give you more chieftaincy titles. Start distributing largesse. Some characters would show up threatening to get you off your seat. Blackmail them. Squeeze their businesses. Threaten their parents. Ask their traditional rulers to call them to order. What is it? The constitution says you are entitled to two terms, why don't they allow you to complete what God has done for you? And by all means, make peace with your Godfather. In Nigerian politics, hell has no fury like an angry Godfather. This is my advice to you, young politician.
July 2002
Culled from the Nigerian Guardian