Calabar Of ghosts and tourist distractions 1

Calabar: Of ghosts and tourist distractions (1)

It was just one of those days, it started very bland, I woke up in the morning, picked up the phone and dialed a friend, I got him at first try. You see, NEPA had been kind, all through the night. Even mosquitoes had given up on trying to reach me the previous day. I walked out on the street, and the sun came out and warmed my body, the first dog I saw, wagged his tail at me. A beautiful lady passed by, I smiled, and she smiled back. Just an innocuous day in Calabar. It was one of those days, when the Gods do not need sacrifices.

A couple of months ago, our state governor had gambled and lost 2 million dollars of our money on the Miss World pageant. Some weeks later, the federal government offered him a loan of four million or billion naira to boost tourism in the state. A few days ago pensioners where grumbling that they had not been paid. But, I tell you, that is all in the past. Today, the Gods were smiling.

I got into my car and went to a friend’s house who had come to visit me without meeting me. He told me that his preacher had seen things about me, and wanted him to bring me, to see him. Saying that, I had the potential to be rich. Ha…story of my life. If only I could convert my potentials into actual wealth. I told my friend, who is now my ex friend that I had come to terms with my poverty and mortality, and that if God wanted to make me rich, he should not have wasted my time making me go through all those processes of learning a trade. I should have been born rich. He asked, that I dropped him off at the market, I obliged. And then it started, or they came….Ghosts…

Perched on top a pedestal in front of the market stands Abasi Orok, or Boy Duke, perpetually stuck in time, watching over the Watt Market and looking for ever young. I thought it was a dream, but I saw him move. He came towards me and my car engine stalled and stopped. I asked him what his problem was and he advised me to go and tell the governor to stop blocking his view. What? He repeated, "go tell the governor to stop blocking my view". I raised my eyes and looked at his effigy, and sure enough, there were two huge billboards of Donald Duke sandwiching Bassey Duke’s effigy. I told him I will do something about it. Then, I tried to get the hell out of there. He shouted after me "And tell him not to ever think of moving the market, he could go and develop his Calabar elsewhere" ….Angry ghost?

I didn’t wait to find out, I took off on Egerton Street and thought I had escaped, suddenly, every where I turned they were there. Ghosts. I drove up to Efut Street, and they poured out in droves. Maybe, just maybe, they were from the old cemetery nearby. Before I could gun my car, Fernandez appeared. Sigismund Fernandez. He came to Calabar when Calabar was worth coming to, and his greatest wish was to die in Calabar. The reason I would not put down on paper. Ghosts…

I drove further up Egerton and there was Ekeng, the bad man of Calabar, with a cudgel in his left hand, and a plank with protruding nails in the other, stopping cars. I asked him what he was doing. He told me he was collecting tax from Atam people. I slowed down, and he waved me on. He said "keep going but tell the governor that this nonsense in Calabar South has to stop" I wanted to ask him ‘what nonsense…?’ but his father suddenly came out of his church and told me to drive on. Then he appeared. Who? Dr. Henshaw, of course. He asked me. "Orok, is nothing sacred, look at these clowns pasting political posters on my tombstone?" I muttered an apology. I said ‘Itiaba’ I would sort them out, but he got agitated and replied. "I am not Itiaba, and I am sure you would meet him if you live long enough."

I took off. With a name like Orok, you have to be wary of Henshaw Town, anyway. Don’t ask me why. I went down Johnstone Street into Beecroft and was almost reaching Eyamba Street, when Reverend Ukpabio Snr., appeared. No problem. This ghost must be a peaceful one, wasn’t he a reverend before he died. I put on my tough face. Blew my horn. He waved me on with the admonition:

Daha ke usun; nenghe de sana. (Efik: Move out of the way, walk properly.)

I came down Eyamba, I saw Esua, counting beads. I saw the Effiom Iwatts, prancing around, dancing Efio Ekpo ukot tiet. I moved up Eyo Edem Street, and Ironbar was presiding over a dispute. I paid him no mind. Further up, Patrick Solomon was throwing dice with Essien, of Homeland Stores. Effiong Essien was looking on. I kept on driving. I hit the Watt Market round about again, and thought, thank goodness. No ghosts.

Then I drove down Calabar Road. I don’t know who saw whom first, but there he was sitting imperiously, being guarded by two pygmies holding bronze swords. I slowed down as usual. You see, with ghosts ..Hey.. you never know.. He turned away from me and concentrated on the table before him. I stopped. I had no choice. I approached them. The dwarfs glared at me. Then I realized it was Essien Etim Offiong (EEO) seated opposite him. He asked me if I knew Bini people where I lived. I told him they were my best friends. The Omoruyis and the Omoiguis, we call each other every day! He looked up. Not EEO.. I mean, the imperious looking man. Ehm… EEO looked at the man, he was playing ayo with, and cleared his throat and said: "Well?" A pretty lady came by and refilled their glasses. I was still standing throughout this time... I mean the man never looked at me. Don’t get me wrong, I am scared of ghosts and do not particularly want to meet them …but, other ghosts have looked at me before. Why not this one? I asked EEO what the matter was? He told me that his friend "wants to go home but at the same time, he does not want to go home". Ghostly problem? I thought it was a good problem for a ghost to have. I asked him what he wanted me to do? EEO told me that I should contact the Binis and tell them that "he wants to return home but he does not want to go home", that they would understand. I asked EEO if I could have a drink as I have been having bad experiences. He answered: "Young man, wait for your time." I didn’t ask him what he meant. I asked EEO why he does not live in Essien Town anymore. Is it because we have moved in from Bayside? He told me that what is happening is sad, that his children now have three factions, all struggling to sell the same piece of land. He also said, the thought of him passing by Odukpani Road and seeing Prof. Eyo Ita, sitting by his school and weeping over how run down it looks, is enough to drive him to tears. So, he had to move to his house on Eyo Edem by Nsisuk Street. I nodded. My, my…. imagine what ghosts have to go through.

I got into my car quietly and headed down Calabar Road. I knew what I had to do. I had to take the battle to them. Ghosts…what ghosts? So I headed towards Hawkins Cemetery. Did I tell you that I passed Nya, Effanga Archibong, Nakanda even Ukpong, the politician, trying to educate other ghosts. Not to worry. Rijhumall the Indian and Cowan, were arguing over their respective boundaries, and teacher Ene, was trying to resolve the conflict. Ghosts. I thought when you die, these things don’t matter anymore. I saw Okon Ekpo, Abasi Ekpo and his son Dr. Ekpo Bassey,…farming together and having a pleasant time. Not Bassey Ekpo Bassey, that they have left behind for us to live with. But you cannot complain to pleasant and decent ghosts, so I let it pass.

A ghost stopped me just before I reached the Cemetery. I asked him what his problem was. He told me that he was lost! No way. How could a ghost be lost? He complained that he does not know Calabar anymore. That every government that comes, keeps changing the name of the streets. I said. Hold it right there. What does a ghost need a street name for? They are supposed to just float over every thing and get to where they are going. He shook his head, and told me it was not like that. That Calabar is no more what it used to be. He was very bitter. He said look at Mary Slessor, one of the most unassuming people that ever walked this earth. What makes them think they could honor her memory by creating a new road and naming it after her, when her tombstone is still the most imposing in Calabar. He said. "Orok, let me tell you about Calabar. Names of streets determine when, who and who, held sway in Calabar and it pinpoints that period in time and space. You cannot change the original Mary Slessor Street to Victor Akan Street and hope to sleep well, no matter your good intentions. The town is still expanding. Name new streets in the newly developed areas after the people who come later, so that historiographers would say, Yes, this was a town and we were here. You cannot change Palm Street to Dr. Henshaw Street, Mayne Avenue to Inyang Nta, no matter how deserving, or Whitehouse to Dan Archibong. You are setting a dangerous precedent, because two hundred years from now, another clown would come and change the name to his father’s, after all, it had been done before".

Who ever heard of lost ghosts? I asked this ghost that I was giving a lift, where he lived, he told me it was not important, but he works for Ete Joe Duke. So I drove up Chamley and dropped him off near where Mr. Andrews was standing, at the junction of Chamley and Whitehouse, having a conversation with Hogan the printer, who had moved down from Bedwell Street. Eyoma, Honesty and Justice Ita walked by, all looking urbane. They exchanged greetings. Ita swiveled round and asked me how I was doing, because he heard the Ekpo Abasis’ were after me. I told him, I dey kamkpe, and they had to join the queue.. Ghosts, who needs them?

This time, I said, I would talk to the governor. Ghosts…they try your patience, don't they?

Jan 2003

Calabar: Of ghosts and tourist distractions (2)