Charlie boy Oputa
By
I have recently been approached by certain elements from the core north who have been trying to convince me to run for the presidency in 2003 against the incumbent Mr. Obasanjo. Hallucinations? No. A little drink? Maybe. I am sitting down at my favorite spot which I cannot disclose for security reasons….being a potential presidential candidate and all. In comes a man whose name I cannot mention. Lets call him Mallam X.
I said. ‘X, what is going on back home with those unbelievers?’
He moved closer to me and whispered conspiratorially. I froze. First, he has called me by my Fulani name, which is known only to a few. The truth is, I was named after an old time Commissioner of Police…Alhaji Idris Calabar…..Only very few people know this but they are actually Fulani people from Calabar, but what the hell, they are Fulani people everywhere. What do you expect from a migratory people. You have Yoruba Fulani…like the Emir of Ilorin…Tiv Fulani like Abubakar Tsav…Eboe Fulani like Ike Nwachukwu….etc and the ubiquitous Hausa Fulani like ehm..ehm…of all the Fulani groupings in the diaspora it is this last group that creates the most problems due not to their makings but because some of them have veered away from the teachings of the Shehu and have lost that basic tenet of humility. But what is my own, all I know is that I am not fasting for Nigeria, and I am not running against Obasanjo.
As I was saying before I digressed, Mallam knows things, he has his ears to the ground. Sometimes I wonder whether he too is a Fulani. He must be, that is why he has been able to survive for so long. I offered Mallam my last kola and he declined. I suspected he was fasting but I didn’t push it. We once quarreled when I told him that the north could not survive without the south not because of lack of oil, but because Allah in his infinite wisdom has planted kolanuts in the south and not in the north.
He started. ‘‘Farouk your people needs you’’.
‘No, not you’. I countered. Mallam smiled and scratched his bearded chin. I guess he must have heard of the moves to recruit me to run or is he one of them? He re-arranged his babariga and stared into space for a moment, then exhaled.
"Farouk, I would answer the earlier question you asked because you are one of us. Look, the only person telling lies at that commission is Lt. Umar, and he is doing that without even knowing it". I looked at him unbelievingly. He must have read doubt on my face, because he raised his palms up and continued.
"Lets start from certain assumptions. One or two people, call them Caucus, sits down and decides that the Abacha government is not good for Nigeria and might lead to the disintegration of the country. What do they do? They decide to change the government. How? Forcefully take over the government? Too costly. Eliminate Abacha? How? Shoot him, bad idea. Abacha comes out only in the dark. His CSO had made Abacha inaccessible and a costly venture to move against, and don’t forget coup plotting is a financial investment. You have to survive to enjoy the spoils. Also, the wear and tear on the northern military fabric in a shoot out situation will be intolerable. Pray for him to die? The southwest have been doing that and the man seems to be getting healthier. Traditional medicine…Gwarzo has that end covered with rams buried every three feet at Aso rock. Poison him? Well, it is possible; but, one, you have to get the poison; two, you have to have access to Abacha with the poison in your possession; three, you have to introduce the poison into his body; and, finally you have to get away after he has consumed the poison"
I asked him, ‘So is Sabo telling the truth’?
"Yes. Bamaiyi might be vindictive and treacherous but he does not possess the level of intelligence to plot the death of the Aare. Chances are, after the death of Abacha which also caught him by surprise, he was kept abreast of things as to the need to eliminate the Aare, but being a pompous person he had to go and boast about his new knowledge to Sabo, whom we have found out is dumb enough to buy a stolen vehicle…don’t ask me where he got the money from…but this man is a pure old fashioned infantry soldier what was he doing in intelligence in the first place"? I kept quiet.
"Check this out, Mustapha claims he prevented coups from happening…but I say he his a failure because he allowed Abacha to die and a successful coup to take place! He is the small boy who has been used and dumped. The only reason he is alive today is that he is a northern Muslim officer and someone somewhere is regretting the decision to let him live! The feeling is that he is being kept alive by the present government as a joker in the pack to be played when necessary. He knows things but he is holding on to cut a deal. But he could be reached. Everything is possible".
He continued. "Mustapha claims to be the only person who knew that Abacha was dead. WRONG. If his theory of poisoning is correct., then, somebody must have procured the poison, another person would have delivered it to the target……the sort of poison we are talking about has been known to western intelligence for ages…the only agency that has a policy of not using poisons is the MOSSAD…Let us accept that P [foreigner] supplied the poison, so his handling officer would know……he then delivers it to R, the recipient who is not working alone…about 3 or 4 people [Caucus] would have been in the know and in agreement that the act would be good for Nigeria. Now, the Nigerian State revolves on the north retaining military power…there is an unstated understanding that even if you are carrying out a coup, you cannot destabilize this system. This was why the coups against Shagari and Buhari were known but could not be stopped. Don't forget that these two erstwhile leaders were of the Fulani stock. We will come to that later. Now, R receives the poison and asks himself these questions, how do I deliver this poison to the intended victim I? What were I’s weak points?…wine and women, just like the rest of us. Correct"? I agreed.
"JBoy though I don’t know him personally does not strike me like a poisoner, but a naïve officer…he probably delivered the poison to I without knowing it….but he knows who gave him the poison, if he decides to think [he probably would get a headache] and add two and two together., and R knows that he knows". He paused for breadth and continued.
"If you poison I, two things could happen…success or failure. Failure…the purveyors of the poison would be killed or tortured and they would not come out of the target area., or success. Success here would trigger off two reactions…..which Mustapha helped along without knowing….First, he sent out signals to all generals to come for an urgent meeting. Did he think that this sort of signal emanating from Aso would appear normal, especially when the Caucus were watching out for such a reaction?"
‘Then what’? I asked him.
He continued. ‘‘Second, the primary Caucus in this plot had already worked out the scenarios after success. In any coup, there is the physical action and the political one. There was no way Mustapha could have taken over successfully….first he would have been accused of being I’s killer…secondly he does not possess the muscle and ingenuity to sustain himself in power for any length of time….he would have been flushed out like a rat…Obas or no Obas. Here comes M, …this guy had been anointed even before I was dead…don’t forget I was at the point of announcing his dismissal or retirement. Now M comes in…bribes and cajoles Mustapha with promises, disarms him without a fight and releases A, who is taken to his home, with the necessary information [need to know basis] as to what is about to take place with strong reassurances that he should be ready….A, is very astute…he must have asked…how would this be possible when the Aare is alive? The answer T the emissary gave him….don’t worry we would take care of him. The question you might want to ask is, does A not know that the Aare was taken care of?…we do know that he was not part of the plot, because we know where he was…. That leaves off E, but is E one person’’?
‘Mallam, so what you are trying to say is that the cause of the wahala in the country is the contract of understanding entered into between E and A, which is different from what E sold to our people. Because for A to survive, he must be keeping his end of the bargain, but we do not know what they agreed on. So the problem is really E’s fault. They offered us a different contract as opposed to what they said they had with A’.
‘‘Right on target Farouk’’
‘Okay, Mallam. I know where you are heading and such knowledge is dangerous.’
‘‘The question you have to ask yourself is, who has benefited the most from the death of I and the Aare’’? he concluded
I look into the heavens for a long time picturing myself as the president and all. Then suddenly a thought flashed through my mind throwing me back to a sign I saw on a truck that delivers caskets to a funeral home near my cab's main office where I work - committed to the dignity of life - I shuddered. Mallam must have sensed this and he asked me.
‘‘Why do you not want to run’’?
I answered. ‘Mallam, since you know my name, you should know why I was given that name. Tell me, do you know why a Fulani bororo takes his cattle to the market, sells it and then uses the proceeds in buying suya’? We looked at each other and he nodded.
‘‘WaAllahi…you are truly one of us".
‘Mallam’, I began again ‘lets go back to simple politics’. ‘I know why you traced me to this spot. AM, AG and SD where here with an offer which I have been mulling over’. ‘Tell me, are you sure that arrangement for the current president to run and then move over for the north, on a south / north basis has totally broken down’?
He nodded. ‘‘That is why you see this rush to patch up the whole north as one bloc and the cold shoulder thrown at the Okhakulor when he came calling. We intend to go back to strictly north and south, no six zones. But you know our people, we do not sleep on one side till day break. Now, there is a possibility that this might not work out so we need a safety option manganin gobe. Farouk, our thinking is that, if it comes to the worst, we are ready to accept a south-south president but he must be a Fulani. Look Farouk, I would take care of the Caucus, if that is what is worrying you’’. I broke out laughing and he seemed surprised.
I had to tell him. ‘Mallam, I have nothing to fear from my northern brothers provided they are Hausa Fulani and Muslims. It is these beriberis that pushed out Shagari and Buhari and tampered with the Sultanate, that I don’t trust’.
"Do you realize how our people have been marginalized since Buhari left power"?
I said nothing, so he continued. "It is only these crazy southerners who do not appreciate the fix we have been in. They assume that when once you put on babariga and a long cap to match, you must be a Hausa Fulani scion. What they tend to forget is that the Fulanis are different from the Hausas. You only become a Hausa Fulani when one of your parents is from these two different groups. Of course, there is the political alliance between the Hausas and the Fulanis., but if I tell you, you might tell the Yorubas and you know what those people could get up to. It gets so bad that a Kaje, before traveling to Lagos must dress himself up and claim to be Hausa Fulani. The last two Sultans were appointed and deposed by these boys. Something that we even had to tell the Emir of Kano to back off from. They don’t understand, apart from a few people who are really Hausa Fulanis most of these northerners are just claiming to be us and are ruining our name, but what can we do? We must live under the Arewa umbrella’’.
‘Mallam. I have heard you but I am not running. It is better to be a taxi driver in New York than a presidential candidate in Nigeria’.
"For goodness sake what is the problem? Do you know how many people would jump at this chance"
‘Mallam, how many Fulanis are there from the south-south’? Mallam smiled, he knew I had him.
‘Something or somebody worries me’
"Who? And we would take care of him"
‘This guy is no ordinary man’.
He hissed. "Tell me where is he"?
‘Okay, his name is Charlie Boy Oputa’.
"Mai nini boy"? He forgot himself and almost broke into Hausa. You see, all this time we have been conversing in Fulfude.
‘Remember him, during the time cultural artistes were invited to Abuja for a solidarity performance in the days of Sani’
"What happened"?
‘Charlie Boy turned down the offer to participate with a twist of his ajasco barbered head. And we have heard that you could lose your head if you pull such stunts in the days when Mustapha was king, but nothing happened? Even Sam 'the man' was scared and came running down to Abuja. Tell me, how does an Eboe man manage to get a popular location named after himself in Lagos when he is not even an Ezeigbo? Charlie Boy Junction… Zik in all his glory couldn’t pull that off’.
"Such a man must be dangerous and a threat to the nation’s security. Did you tell AM about this when he contacted you"?
‘Yes’ I said.
He shook his head. "That explains the recent excursion of the military into Okigwe. These boys don’t have style. I didn’t agree with that raid. Haba, even Abacha had the decency to create a strike force to conduct such business in the dark and blame it on armed robbers and NADECO. Yes, that explains it, they were after Charlie and not Ralph as the newspapers would have us believe".
Mallam seems to be lost in thought. "Now, this adds up". He nodded slowly.
‘They have to do something. He is also thinking of running!’ I added for effect.
The writer is a New York based cab driver