Easy Routes to National Honours
By
There is this village joke about an old man who bought his first bicycle at 70 and now wrote this inscription on it: Were ni'se Oluwa (God's time is the best). The message there is that one need not attain the age of Methuselah before enough fortune would shine on the person to be able to afford a bicycle.
Going through the National Honours Award list, I see a lot of prominent names, people who have made what one can describe as significant contributions,
now recognised after decades in the national limelight. The snag though is that while these men are placed in lower cadres, you see some young men who
were not known two years ago, men whose only contribution to our society does not go beyond their political offices, bagging higher honours. In other
civilised societies, the idea of national honour is meant to reward and promote excellence, that is why people who receive such honours are usually men
and women who have distinguished themselves in science, arts, sports, politics, economy, medicine and other fields of human endeavour. People who are seen
as role models, men and women who have made enormous sacrifices so that their countries could become better places. In rare cases where government
officials are honoured it would most often be for exceptional things and society would recognise it as such. But what we have in Nigeria is a situation
where national honour has become such a joke that it is now like chieftaincy titles which people in authority award to themselves and their friends. The
noble concept of national honour has become so debased that if you know your way around in Nigeria today, you can get on the list or at least put your
spouse or girlfriend there. It is that bad, no matter what some people say to the contrary and it is sad especially with a man for whom I have tremendous
respect, Mr. Yomi Edu, in charge. But is he really?
I must stress it here that many of the people who are honoured are actually deserving of it but many are also not, yet those who ordinarily should not be
given are the ones bagging higher honours.
Well, while one should not begrudge some of these recipients what they probably see as their own 'democracy dividends', I would want to give some tips to
prospective national award seekers so that they do not only win but win big next time around. Nobody need wait till he or she is eighty year old before he
has a national honour in this country. I am writing this piece based on research of what has happened in the last two years and information I could gather
from those who should know. The first problem though is that a mischievous friend of mine told me yesterday that state of origin also matters in this
business, arguing that Ogun State where President Olusegun Obasanjo hails from has 16 of the 226 recipients. Even when I never knew him to be a good
mathematician, he said that amounts to 7.1 percent of the total while majority of these honours are of higher categories. Well, I don't share such
subversive view but just in case my friend is right, I might have to change my state of origin since only six people are considered worthy from Kwara
State. In fact someone has actually traced my root to Ogun State. Yes, my great, great, great, great, great grandfather is from Egbaland! As for Ekiti
State and their professors, now they should know they are wasting their time investing in education when only three people are considered worthy of
national honour.
But how does this help anyone to get a worthwhile national honour considering that all of us cannot be politicians? For instance, since I am in the media
as a reporter today, I know by now that it is no use for me to aspire to be a publisher if I want to win a respectable national honour. The road to
establishing and nurturing a successful media house is fraught with a lot of hassles yet even if I end up publishing the best newspaper in Africa, the
best I can get is a sixth category honour, I don't want that.
For my friends in the bank, their fate is even worse. They have to own their own bank and they have to take it to the top, any which way. If and when they
succeed, they can be recognised with the Membership of the Order of Niger. Which means their effort can only carry them to the second to the last category
of the award usually reserved for athletes, footballers and the likes. This category is only slightly higher than medals where incidentally one man with
the alias 'kingfisherman' is a recipient this year. I am almost tempted to describe the whole list as a fisherman list.
But if you want to be a Grand Commander you have to join the Army, the Police or politics. Those are the only three professions that can earn you those
honours and they are so easily achieved if you are daring enough. Since military coups are no longer fashionable (I am not even sure of this with the
romance between America and Pakistan) and one should not be seen to encourage one, I will rule out the Grand Commander of the Federal Republic (GCFR)
normally reserved for former leaders. Incidentally, even this rule was inverted by the late General Sani Abacha (who else?) such that Yahya Jahmeh of
Gambia, the late Mainasara of Niger and Muammar Gaddafi of Libya were recipients. If we check the records well, we might discover that some Indian ladies
may actually be holders of Nigeria's highest national honour. I am not too sure of this so I do not want to be quoted but nothing was beyond Abacha. Of
course, in the attempt to deceive the unwary, they now tell us national award was last given seventeen years ago. It is a lie they can tell to the
marines.
The truth actually is that Abacha and the previous military regimes gave national honours but never thought it is something to be done indiscriminately or
with fanfare and ceremony. The problem though was that their ideas of people worthy of it was warped. But that was in the past. We are talking of now when
civilian politicians (at least that is what they call themselves) are in charge and national honours have to be bestowed to all kinds of people in the
usual man-know-man fashion.
Of course, as stated earlier, many of the awardees are deserving of their honours, some even long overdue but in many instances we see carpetbaggers,
lobbyists, jobbers and people who have not even done well in the national assignment given to them now bagging national honours. But let us leave all that
for a while. Today, I am offering free consultancy to those who have eyes on the big ones.
If you are, for instance, a senator and you are from the South East, you are only one step from being a Grand Commander of the Order of Niger(GCON). I am
not putting any idea into anybody's head but since the Senate Presidency has been zoned to the South East by the almighty Peoples Democratic Party (PDP)
and we all know Chief Anyim Pius Anyim bagged GCON just by virtue of being the Senate President, all that any ambitious person who wants to have that
national honour needs do is to plan a coup in the Senate and then he will be there. But will he? Perhaps it takes much more otherwise why was Dr. Chuba
Okadigbo not given GCON before he was dethroned? How come the Speaker of the House of Representatives, Alhaji Ghali Umar Na'Abba, is not given any
national honour? This is where the first law comes in: Be a Conformist.
It is not enough to hold high office now or in the past, you must conform with the system. You must be a good boy to the powers-that-be. The system does
not recognise rebels. That is why people like Muhammadu Buhari, even though a former Head of State, will have a long wait. If Buhari is not happy with
this, he can go to Afghanistan and ask the Taliban government to give him honour but in Nigeria of today, he should forget it except he mends his way and
it is not too late. How ? it is easy. He can do a Tom Ikimi tomorrow by inviting Chief Tony Anenih to his village where in front of his village head and
everyone he will declare publicly for PDP, pledging his support to the 'visionary leadership' of President Olusegun Obasanjo who should be given a second
term. Especially now that all that we are waiting for is for someone to help interpret to Nigerians the message from the drummers in Bauchi State who have
told OBJ in clear terms: 'No-One-But-You'.
But since not all of us can aspire for Presidency or Vice Presidency (remember Alhaji Atiku Abubakar got his own GCON last year) or Senate Presidency
either because we do not have the resources or because we lack the political base, we also do not have to be left out. In fact if we know how to play our
cards we could become Officers in this our country just by being at the corridors of power. To bag these ones you have to get some visible appointments
that will put you in the limelight. No matter how controversial your tenure or how you discharge your duties, once you remain loyal to the powers-that-be
whose pecuniary interest you are protecting, even at the risk of your own name and reputation, you will get there. If you are not a traditional ruler or a
foreigner who happens to be a friend of the President or a religious leader with contact in high places, don't think you too can not be honoured, this is
Nigeria where anything is possible. But as to how you can get it, you need to come and see me for counseling because I am not going to offer this
consultancy gratis.
But by way of conclusion, here are some facts that should serve as food for thought to the discerning reader: Exactly 56 years ago, Pa Michael Imoudu led
the national strike that changed the tenor of nationalist struggle in Nigeria. The old man was 99 years old a few weeks ago. He is yet to qualify for a
national honour. Commodore Salaudeen Akano who lowered the Union Jack and hoisted our national flag at independence died on Monday, exactly 41 years
after, he had no national honour to his name. Pa Abraham Adesanya and the NADECO old men who practically put their lives on the line in the struggle to
enthrone democracy under the late Abacha are not worthy of honour even when Ogun indigenes dominate the list. Check out the list released at the weekend
again and see some of the people being honoured, and also check out who is receiving what. We are such a cheap country without any sense of value or
propriety. And it is a shame.