Farouk for President [2]

By

Orok Edem

Fellow Nigerians, I believe you have read my earlier ‘Declaration of intent' to contest for the presidency of our embattled land. Let us pause here for a moment to say a silent prayer for all those who have lost their lives in Nigeria’s political upheavals from 1914 till date.

Most of my admirers and supporters contacted me expressing support but wondered what I was going to do about my friend IBB. My answer to that question is very simple. I know IBB. I know his problem and that of almost every other Nigerian. They are two fold: Economic and Political. As soon as I am sworn in, the first bill to be presented to the House would be that of economic and political amnesty.

Economic Program

Any body who has ever stolen, embezzled or made off with Nigeria’s wealth would be granted a six month amnesty, in which they would be expected to declare their net worth and be taxed accordingly. The rest they keep. Every Nigerian on earth above the age of 18 must fill out an evidence of worth unless he or she is in school and not earning money. If anybody within the age group of 18 and below, has inherited money or has been given money in form of gifts in whatever format, that money has to be declared and would be regarded as earned income. Everybody of taxable age in Nigeria, will be required to pay tax, generals retired or tired, soldiers, market women, nightsoilmen and palm wine tappers. If you vote, you must pay tax. If after six months anyone is found to possess assets or property not earlier declared in whatever country on earth, such assets or property would be forfeited to the Nigerian government and the culprit be made to spend time in prison. Of course, I would get the Chinese to build industrial prisons and not stadiums.

Those of you wondering why my government should reward dishonesty are not facing reality and have not understood the socio psychology of crime, but I would not tell you ..after all I am a potential president. Lets move on. Fellow Nigerians, look around you, apart from a few structures that were in place before independence and up to 1966, any other thing owned or built by both government and individuals is tied to oil. Some people are just able to accumulate more than others and we cannot punish them for their acumen. Ahh….even IBB is smiling.

Political Program

As soon as I am sworn in, a bill for the convention of a Sovereign Tribal Conference would be sent to the house. This bill, which I would ensure passage, would have IBB as the Chairman of the conference with Edwin Madunagu as the Deputy Chairman. I know you are wondering why my choice of these two gentlemen. IBB is not a man you leave idle, he is a genius and has to be fed with challenges or kept busy. He is also going to double as Nigeria's permanent representative at the OIC. As for Madunagu, I have often wondered how an academic could sit on a Calabar woman’s bosom, eat edikang ikong and at the same time, effect a revolution, but I need him to complement IBB. The site of this conference was hotly debated by my kitchen cabinet the majority insisted on Jos, but I cautioned putting Maradona so close to the military division in Jos, with Abuja within striking distance., therefore we settled on Obudu Cattle Ranch.

An ad hoc list of conferees that were going to be nominated by the government included Adamu Adamu, Ogbooru, Col. Nyiam, Nzeribe [it was assumed that FANZ would win any election to attend, but the argument that we should not leave anything to chance carried the day] Beko, Keyamo, Emeka Offor, Sanusi Lamido, Segun Awolowo [any of them that shows up] Umaru Dikko, Ikemba, Bassey Ekpo Bassey, Bolanle Awe, Gani Fawehinmi, Wada Nas, Otuita, Balarabe Musa, Lynda Ikpeazu, Mahmud Attah, Darah, the Alukos, father and son [ina, not the senator] Shehu Sani etc…The government would appoint forty people and the remaining 260 would be by election and, or appointment by different traditional rules and local governments to represent the tribal spread in Nigeria.

A general amnesty would also be affected for all the political assassinations carried out by the state against individuals and individuals against agents of the state. We would wipe the slate clean. Abacha and his cohorts would be immediately set free. Those arrested in Danja, Odi, Zaki Biam, OPC members, MASSOB, Egbesu etc…free. The murderers of Ige, Rewane, Abiola, Abacha…all free. But the story of who did what when and how would be documented and the names of the actors listed in a government black book. My people, we don’t have time to mourn. My presidency is for a four year term and I would not seek re-election.

Fellow countrymen and women, I know what you are thinking. But listen to me ask yourselves what does IBB want? To become president again? I don’t think so. His presidency would be too divisive, would reopen old wounds and would be coup prone, which would bring us close to a war. Most importantly, mutum ba ya samun kudi da mulki gaba daya. And IBB should remember "taura biyu ba su taunuwa". Case closed.

Let me focus again on my potential opponents: My people, I would defeat General Olusegun in Nigeria. I will beat Chief Obasanjo in Yoruba land. I will uproot Pastor Matthew in Ogun State. Ogbeni Okikiola cannot stand me in Egbaland. Even within his family Ogagun Aremu is a goner. If his wives are allowed to vote in secret, victory for me is certain. Baba Obasanjo will lose his deposit. Trust me.

Obasanjo, go home. If you think you stand a chance against me, I hereby challenge Anenih’s first son to a wrestling contest.

I state very clearly that history would forgive IBB for June 12, 1993, but definitely not this ‘peculiar situation’ where ‘the boundary between civil and military society is not clear cut’. I mean the Obasanjo / Atiku presidency.

Now over to his deputy. There is something about the Fulas. They do not beg and they do not display unnecessary emotions. It is called pulaaku. It is on record that this gentleman shed copious tears at Ige’s house. Atiku, do you know Fryo? Recently, he has been reported to have ruled out sabotage in the Ikeja base ordinance depot blast. It is on record that Atiku was begging IBB at that time, so how could he know? Did IBB tell him? This world is coming to an end, a Gwari man calling his Gwari neighbor to come and witness a Fula beg. One thing is certain and IBB knows it. If Atiku gets in again for another four years, he will be impossible to beat in 2007 and he would want his pound of nama back.

As the story goes, on the advent of Obasanjo’s rule, military hardware were moved to the south prompting some comments from some quarters. If all the exploded shells are not accounted for, then we have to rule out the fact that some ordinance is missing and in the Nigerian way, the explosion might have been triggered off to cover this. Or, somebody went in to hijack the depot and things went haywire. Or, plain sabotage by unknown soldiers. Please, concerning this inquiry, we do not want to hear any crap about military secrets. All the weaponry possessed by Nigeria are bought and end user certificates are supplied. So, there is nothing Nigeria has, that is not known especially in these days of satellite technology. The only secret that we are willing to condone in the military is their salary scale, no more no less.

Lets face it, this government cannot provide security. Junior police officers are threatening to go on strike and the Inspector General departs on leave., and it takes the intervention of the House of Representatives for the presidency not to travel out of the country when the souls of over one thousand of his citizens are asking why?

I say enough.

Aremu is not a lucky president. There is too much blood being spilled in the country. I put it to you fellow Nigerians, that a vote for him is a wasted vote.

My people, I am a man with a plan and a mission.

Vote Farouk dan Calabar for the Presidency!!

January 2002