Farouk for President [4]

By

Orok Edem

Fellow Nigerians, I am humbled with all the support and words of encouragement that I have been receiving both in Nigeria and from the Diaspora. I thank you all and promise you that Nigeria would attain economic development within the for see able future. Let me start off again with some ramblings on security, then I would dwell on the latest foreign policy challenge before moving to sundry matters including the kite floated by the irrepressible Enahoro.

It is true that the Nigeria Police cannot go on strike but it happened. It is also true that there are rumblings in the military. Fellow Nigerians do not listen to people like Adisa, that the military cannot go on strike. Do not forget that in the same military, ‘generals’ are not supposed to kneel down and beg ‘majors’ Do not forget that Aremu the great served under his junior. From our previous experience, the military does not go on strike it mutinies, with guns in their hands; and when they are not overcome, it becomes a successful coup. Why is the military restive? Simple. They are being owed money. I remember during Shamgar’s regime, military officers went to the bank and found extra sums of money paid into their bank accounts. It did not save Shamgar. Do not mess around the military with their emoluments. This Danjuma man, who does he think he is conning? One moment he absconds when the Senate Committee on military pensions invited him for questioning. Suddenly, the NDIC descends on Savanah Bank. The next move, Danjuma appears and tells the world, the military’s money was in Savanah Bank that has suddenly gone belly up, and he is going to deploy soldiers there. The question is, to do what? Liberate the bank from the Camerounians?

Papa Enahoro. Dear Papa, it saddens me that at this time in your life, you should still be running around trying to sort out Nigeria. As a presidential aspirant, I have read your latest eighteen regional structure proposition for the nation, and your classification of the nations into mono and multi nations. Forget it Papa. That idea is DOA as the medical people would tell you. Charity begins at home, so let me start there. When last did you look at the map of Akwa Ibom and Cross River? When you link the Annangs, Orons, Ibenos of Akwa Ibom to the Efiks , Yakurrs of Cross River etc as a multi group, does it occur to you that the Ibibios a mono group sit between the Annangs and sundry groups. Your proposition would not stand the test of geography. Just as an aside, all the oil wealth of Akwa Ibom resides in Eket-Ibeno-Oron axis, what would the Ibibios say about this?

Okhakulor, if that document was not ascribed to you, I would have yelled mischief. It is very interesting that in your own backyard, you list the Urhobos and the Ijaws as mono groups, then you link the Isokos, Ndokwas and the Warris as multi? Chief Enahoro, who are the Warris? Is it the Itsekiris? Say so. Because I do not want my future administration to spend time and resources trying to pacify Warri. Then in your own Edo. When did you unify the Afenmais, the Ishans to the Binis to come up with a singular Edo? If not, why not? The last I heard, the Afenmais were grumbling. I am quite sure other people in other parts of the country would point out similar defects to you. Your proposition would not withstand the test of history. I still make my call for a sovereign tribal conference, and I do not have to join PDP to say that.

My people, I received an interesting phone call recently from Ahmadu. For those of you wondering who he is, this gentleman was the Fula who sought audience with Faseun of OPC One [not to be confused with OPC Two led by Gani the Aare] in the company of Pini Jason. [Isn’t it amazing why they always need a minority man as witness] He proceeded to lay out certain scenarios to Faseun: That the north was ready to take back power through a military coup now or wait until 2003 and disgrace Aremu the great out of office. He intimated that both scenarios were feasible. Now that you know who Ahmadu is, lets go back to our telephone conversation. Ahmadu asked me to step up my campaign for the presidency on condition that I name him as my vice. I told him, no problem. Though I had two other people whose names were submitted to me, I would still forward his name to Ibro and the ACF for clearance and blessings. Gentlemen and ladies, the north makes and unmakes presidents. It is with their support and the will of Allah that I would be president! If you are interested in making Nigeria great, send in your resumes to me forthwith.

Fellow Nigerians, I recently received a letter from one Bode George, whose official title is, the PDP vice chairman for the south west. In reality he is the pitbull of this administration. Guess what? He dared to accuse me of trying to truncate the nascent democracy and not understanding the concept of ‘turn by turn limited’, which of course I am not a major shareholder but just a worker that could be ‘Enroned’ and laid off. He equates my campaign for the presidency as an attack on his master. My people, let me use this opportunity to explain my disagreement with Ogagun agba Olusegun Obasanjo. The ideal thing would have been for me to disagree with his ideas and programs, but unfortunately he has none. I have deep respect and fondness for this Owu native and did not in any way or form mean to demean nor could I demean his status in Yarriba land, nay the universe. Nobody could inflict such damage better than the warrior onto himself.

According to Bode, I referred to our 'great warrior' as Ewu the bully. I countered with the fact that the said warrior talks like an agbero. Could you imagine him saying. Safiya would not be killed? I don’t want Safiya dead, but why is he antagonizing the Ummah? If he knows the final outcome of the case, why go through the rigmarole of a judicial process. Then he described Adesanya as an agbaya and a rascal. Bode swore at me and denied Aremu ever said so. Maybe he did not, but anybody who talks of secession is regarded as one in his book. He asked me whether I was comparing Adesanya to Ikemba? I said yes. They both are rumored to have bullet proof juju. Bode then said I was an enemy of demo crazy. Could you imagine this IBB boy calling me an enemy of demo crazy? I forgive him. Come and eat, turn by turn….

This ‘turn by turn’ thing, does it mean that of all the children of Oduduwa and within the pantheon of Yarriba gods. We have to be dealt an Esu worshipper? I have read the latest pronouncement from the Afenifere that the Yarribas would secede IF…. Oh no. The Yarribas are not going anyway. They are not going anywhere. I love the Yarribas. Have you ever seen a Yarriba lady dance owambe with her ikebe moving to the rhythms of the batala? And the shouts of ekpo… ekpo … oil .. oil renting the air? You don’t get that even in heaven. Fellow Nigerians, have you eaten abula ati gbegiri? If not, try and do so before the secession attempt. You would agree with me, that we cannot let them go. The Yarribas are not seceding. Emi Kunle Akerekoro. I would put my life on the line to keep the Yarribas in Nigeria. Please help me beg them, please don’t go.

The Yarribas cannot do this to me. I love them to death. Much as I don’t like to see them scrambling or going back to the barricades when it was their shortsightedness that made them accept the military offer to partake in a ‘come and eat, chop and quench’ polity. But, if they did not agree to shed blood and fight in 1999 for the restructuring of the country; what would make them do so now, if the incoming military government offers a conference, restructuring of the polity, resource control and true federation? Turn by turn limited? So whose turn is it next, if not mine? I know some people would say I am blaming the victims, but Abubakar Rimi this is all your fault. You and Awoniyi.

Bode George says Rimi is crazy and does not understand how governments are changed in a demo crazy. Don’t take Bode seriously. Even the man from Chicago described him as a trouble maker. The facts of the matter are: Rimi wants to be president. I want to be president. Rimi feels entitled to the seat, I do not. Rimi is desperate to occupy the seat, I am not. Rimi gate crashed the Eboe Congress in Dallas, I did not. Rimi says the military should take over then hand over to him because he was not made the vice president., I have not said so. Rimi has never done a hard days work in his life, I have. Rimi has soft palms, mine are hard. Rimi is fair, I am dark. Rimi queried the Emir of Kano, I would not. Rimi is fat, I am not. [Who has ever seen a fat Fula?] Rimi does not own cows, I do. Rimi does not care about the Fula naturalis, I do. Rimi cannot ride a horse, I can. Rimi is haughty, I am humble. Rimi has no plans other than to privatize the mint, I would not. Rimi had dinner with Maitatsine, I did not.

My fellow country men and women do not waste your time with Rimi, we all know his antecedents. He turned against the late Aminu Kano. [PBUH] What makes you think he would not turn against you. Rimi is just too ambitious and  handsome to be president.

Farouk is the man with a plan and a mission. Faroooook Faroooook Farooook!!