Farouk for President 7
By
My fellow country men and women, I am deeply touched by the show of concern about my welfare and presidential ambitions. I have received queries about my next political gambit and my prolonged silence. Let me say emphatically. No, I have not withdrawn from the political field. My silence was all part of the game plan. Call it tactical withdrawal. We have been consulting and garnering support from Whitehall to the White House. From Epe to Potiskum. Let the unserious travel to Otta. Did you not see or hear of the British ambassador traveling to Minna?
After long deliberations and a visit to the Caliphate, I have the pleasure of announcing my vice presidential candidate, the eminently qualified, sober and God fearing, Dr. Aliyu Tilde. My people, I intend to run an open campaign. Therefore, I have to mention some offers which I did receive, of, ‘optional compensation to offset’ my campaign expenditures if I named NaAbba to the vice presidential slot. I did not even give this a thought. That man is too fiery and troublesome. So, Aliyu Tilde is it. We are going to redeem Nigeria together.
Before we get carried away, let me acknowledge the new campaign manager for the PDP, the ubiquitous Ciroma. I want him to know that we would meet in the field. We want to remind him that our presidential campaign is based on politics without bitterness, as we would not sink so low as to want the Eagles coach fired because no Kanuri was invited to the Eagles camp. Football is not played on quota. May I also remind him that there is no way, even he can bite the hands of the North that fed him. All these northerners with Yarriba wives. Amala soccer?
On the man Ciroma is trying to hoodwink Nigerians with a second time, I would not join others in listing the failures of Aremu the great, CBE, DON [Destroyer of the North] because that presupposes, that I was expecting him to succeed. I only have this message for the rotund militician. Mr. General, you can rule for another 50 years but history would record that you were out of your depth. Any African clown or leader could manipulate an election and win. That is not an achievement, but since you say you are protecting us from our selves. Just for the record, I would concede that your government has revolutionized rail transportation in Nigeria. It is on record that our railways have been internationalized. From the British - up and down project, to the circular Indian system, passed on to the Chinese, with their one - way rail line and now to the Canadians who would translate their findings in French for the Germans to carry out. What ever happened to the Eboe man who was head of Railways?
Ha, the Eboes, I almost forgot them. Ndibanyi… I need your votes. Forget this talk of the Presidency, for now. It is not good enough to want the presidency because ‘it is your turn and it would make you masculine’ and stop all these empty posturing and threats of parading people naked on the streets and accusation of sabotage. We have been down this trail before, so let me challenge all those Ogbanje children who have been harassing me. Tell us in concrete terms what the Eboe president would do as different from Aremu the great, CBE, DON., or forever hold your peace. I must confess that the Eboes have me cross eyed. Here I am trying to save the life of their potential presidential aspirants, and some clowns are still mouthing how the south south people ‘have tasted other husbands’. The Eboes forget that sooner or later they would be around to beg the same south south to save them from the yandaudus, that are making them cry marginalization every night. Tufiakwa! What do the Eboes want?
One moment they tell you to forget the past, next, they remind you of how the Eboes were the only majority tribe to appoint a minority leader of government business in Eastern Nigeria. Please, just for the record, Eyo Ita achieved that feat on personal merit, and on the votes of the Southern Camerouns and a large chunk of Calabar Province. Even the irrepressible Orji Kalu might be a Calabar man. Don’t forget he hails from Bende/Ohafia which was all part of Calabar Province. Do these Ogbanjes know how S.G. Ikoku ended up representing Calabar in the federal parliament?
A lot of people keep hearing of the Ibadan 1952 betrayal, and how Zeek went back to the East and uprooted Eyo Ita, most do not know that Eyo Ita never returned to Calabar to die a natural death. In fact, if I am not mistaken, Zeek did not actually take power from Eyo Ita, Ita died in a car accident and we are still looking for his Eboe driver till today. Fellow Nigerians, did you ever hear of Bode Thomas? He picked up a ringing telephone and he was gone. What if I tell you that I saw Bola Ige’s case file? Yeah, somebody who works at the Secretariat in Ibadan took it to Ina Straight bukateria, and left it on the table while we were having lunch. He started telling us what was in it., but I shut him up and told him that ‘the Presidency was not involved’, don’t ask me why, but you never know who is listening these days. In Nigeria strange things happen.
Like Ekwueme, the husband of two wives and a floreat escaping death because his friend told him to come down in Kano to meet him. Tall story. My people when I was growing up, I normally never knew where I was going to end up at night, Since where I slept was tied to a football game and free food from a friend’s mothers pot. That is why I was known as ‘every mother’s son’. But, Ekwueme does not look like your average run of the mill child in our locality, to just get off the plane because his friend asked him to. At 70, you just don’t do things like that. Ogbuefi, tell us the name of the friend and how he knew you were on that plane, what you were going to do in Lagos, where you stayed in Kano etc. I would not travel in the same train with Ekwueme for all the oil in the Delta.
These Eboe people sef, wetin dem want?
Which presidential candidate has put anything on the table for the Eboes. The Port Harcourt –Onitsha road would be dualised. An international airport at Enugu. Erosion control. Rehabilitation of ex Biafran soldiers. Enabling environment for commerce, Appointments to sensitive posts within the polity etc. . What else do they want? Okay, okay I would lift the ban on okporoko and okrika wake up.
My people, sorry for the digression but these Eboes have me scratching my head in my dreams. Dear supporters, now you know the reasons for my tactical withdrawal, to prepare myself for the battle ahead. I have the prophets, marabouts, the poor and ex generals on my side, How can we fail?
My fellow countrymen. I have to comment on the Supreme Court hatchet job on the low water mark question. If you take your minds a couple of months back, the National Health Scam was jettisoned because nobody knew how the Supreme Court judgment was going to pan out. A couple of months later somebody dusted up the files about the Scam before the final judgment. So, who is fooling who? Let me state here that our campaign team stand heart and soul with our brothers in the Niger Delta and Akwa Ibom State in particular. We reject the double talk, specious arguments cum decision of these modern day Yarriba irredentists. Aremu did not create Akwa Ibom State, Ibro did. Aremu hijacked what would have been Akwa Ibom to create Ogun State. Udo Udoma Snr., was too cerebral to be outwitted by a military regime, so those implying that the Senator is fighting because of what Aremu did to his dad are talking arrant nonsense. Let me remind my brothers that the war that has arrived in Udo Udoma Jr’s., time had already been predicted by the Senior when he was a colleague of Awo. That was the genesis of the Ibibio State Union. Let me also say that the support Eyo Uyo gave to Prof. Eyo Ita even after death when the people of the southern Cameroun had turned tail and ran would not and cannot be forgotten.
On and Off shore…..Intimidation. So, finally Aremu sent for Attah, who told him that 'he could not get to Abuja as his State has no money and he was not in a good enough shape to trek'. Then Aremu sent his plane, bought from the money he inherited from his dad’s estate, to take Attah and Udoma to Abuja to be bullied. The same routine that was applied on Diepreye before he started going on foreign trips with Aremu. Honest, if I were not contesting, I would say lets allow the Yarribas to complete their rule, at least we would not have to go through this penkelemesi again for another forty years. Yarribas! I accused one of being anti resource control, he turned around and told me ‘the Eboes would not agree’. I went to the Eboe and he told me ‘it was the Hausa Fulani’. So I took a trip to the seat of the Caliphate.
I was given these items on a shopping list and asked to come back with my vice presidential candidate whose name was given to me in Sakwatto. Please anybody reading this who knows the whereabouts of Dr. Tilde should ask him to contact our campaign headquarters. He has been ordained the vice president. The shopping list include:
Extension of the railway lines in the north
The dredging of the Niger
Continuance of oil exploration in the North,
Oil licenses as at when due,
Serious attention to agriculture,
Reinstating of the PTF,
Continuance of the Emir’s quota in NDA admissions,
Severing of diplomatic ties with Israel,
Wiping out of the OPC menace,
Legitimization of the Sharia
A look at population balancing and the educational imbalance in the North
Other minor things like political appointments
After meeting the Zabaini, we went to the outer chamber where other things were discussed, I even inquired about the wives given to Shamgar when he visited Rivers State during his reign. I was told that they were all doing fine and one of their offspring had just decamped from PDP to APP. I smiled inwardly. We talked about Sule Lamido, Mukhtar and Imam. I met some brethrens of the Rundudar kare musulunci daga farmakin kafirai da munafukai, I advised them to dissociate themselves from Sule Lamido who claims to come from Kano but is actually from Oyo.
We talked about the recent accusation by Saudi Arabia that Nigeria was selling uranium to Israel. When I asked them where in the North uranium was being mined? They kept mute, exchanged glances and quickly changed the topic to Imam and Muhktar. It was sad, but the general feeling was that these young men have forgotten that politics come and go and we remain. They might think they have the right to insult their elders in the ACF, but let me assure them that the North has a long memory. Could someone tell me whatever happened to Dipcharima, didn’t he leave any offspring behind? Now, that is a man we owe and respect and trust, not some upstart offspring of Kashim. Insulting the North. Wallahi tallahi. When I was about to leave, someone whispered to me that the Zabaini has asked me if I would consider converting or taking a Fula bride. I didn't blink. I answered back that we would get back to them.
My fellow country men …remember my presidential bid has blessings from above. Are there any other aspirant promising maximum wage to the people?
Maximum wage, maximum wage to the people. Let there be light and there was light. Let there be food and there was food.
Farooq…Farorok…Farouk….
May 2002