How To Laugh Without Crying, And Vice Versa:

By

Port Harcourt, Nigeria

The news of the death of Chief (Mrs.) Faderera Abeke Akintola has come, and gone like any other mundane event. She was the widow of Chief Samuel Ladoke Akintola, who was assassinated by the plotters of the coup d’état of Saturday, 15 January 1966. In fact, the news of her death was drowned by the noise and nuisance value of the news of yet another manifestation of executive impunity. The inordinate fixation for overseas trips of the President of Nigeria, General (Chief) Olusegun Obasanjo (GCFR) took him to Jamaica, Barbados, and Senegal, in hot pursuit of attracting foreign investors to Nigeria, as he would want to hypnotise himself to believe, despite very loud contrary protestations of Nigerians worldwide, and with less than 290 days left for his tenure to come to an end as President, and Commander-in-Chief of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

By the way, based on his frequent flyer profile that spans the past thirty-eight (38) months of his nascent democratic posturing, we estimate that General Obasanjo still has some one hundred (100), or so days more to spend outside of Nigeria, or about fourteen (14) more overseas trips to make on, or before Thursday, 29 May 2003. As every voting Nigerian knows, the damage has already been done satisfactorily, and so, we will not bother to waste any further quality time on the aeromaniac indulgences of a politically suicidal, self-crucifying, and self-congratulating Messiah.

As we were saying, before the above justifiable digression, Chief (Mrs.) Faderera Abeke Akintola must have been a very strong woman while she was still alive. Imagine a former First Lady of a region that encompassed today’s Oyo, Ogun, Osun, Ondo, and Ekiti States. In short, she was the equivalent of five (5) of today’s First Ladies, all compressed into one woman. She bore the agony, and challenges of widowhood, raised her children, and held the family together successfully, while maintaining near-zero visibility for over thirty-six (36) years after the death of her husband, the last ever Premier of Western Nigeria, also an Aare Ona Kakanfo, the Generalissimo of Yoruba land. Definitely, such is the stuff of which the wife of an Aare Ona Kakanfo is made.

The impact of the death of Chief Samuel Ladoke Akintola (Aare Ona Kakanfo XIII) on the geopolitics of post-Ironsi Nigeria may not appear very self-evident to most Nigerians, but in fact, it is very significant. His death provided a kind of warped "foolproof" alibi for the selective inference that rationalised the failed coup d’état of Saturday, 15 January 1966 as Igbocentric, despite the glaring evidence that Chief Akintola’s political adversary, Chief Jeremiah Obafemi Awolowo (SAN), the first ever Premier of Western Nigeria, and then "Leader of the Yorubas", as he was popularly referred to, who, as at the time of that failed coup d’état, was entrapped in a prison in Calabar, serving a jail term for treasonable felony, who was more vulnerable, more desirable to eliminate politically, and therefore easier to liquidate, was actually not killed in the process of terminating the First Republic.

By the injection of highly stereotypical ethnic sentiments into subsequent perceptions, interpretations, and arguments of the modus operandi, and raison d’être of that failed coup d’état of January 1966, a conducive environment emerged, more as a "child of necessity", for a strategic alliance between the former Northern and Western regions of Nigeria, and has been so, for some 36 years now. Calibrated, and normalised to present day geopolitical realities and configurations, the First Nigerian Civil War (i.e. the Nigeria-Biafra War of 1967 ~ 1970) was basically a military and political alliance between today’s North West, North East, North Central, and South West geopolitical zones, against today’s South East, and Niger Delta geopolitical zones, with the subsequent entrenchment of a grand alliance that has been sustained, and extrapolated way beyond 15 January 1970, to the disadvantage of the remnants of the defunct republics of Biafra and Benin.

Prior to 15 January 1966, in the First Republic, there existed a strategic alliance between the former Northern, Eastern, and Mid Western regions of Nigeria for some six (6) years after independence. It was terminated by a coup d’état. Subsequent counter-coups d’état reconfigured the alliance mainly around elements from the Northern and Western regions between 29 July 1966, and 1 October 1979, under Generals Gowon, Mohammed, and Obasanjo, for some thirteen (13) years after the collapse of the First Republic. Prior to 31 December 1983, in the Second Republic, there existed a strategic alliance, again, mainly between elements of the constituent states of the former Northern, Eastern, and Mid Western regions of Nigeria, for some four (4) years, under Alhaji Shehu Usman Shagari. Again, it was terminated by a coup d’état, whose ultimate benefactor, Major General Mohammadu Buhari, aspires to recycle himself back to power in 2003.

Subsequent counter-coups d’état, again, like in the First Republic, reconfigured the alliance mainly around elements from the constituent states of the former Northern, Mid Western, and Western regions between 27 August 1985, and 29 May 1999, under Generals Babangida, Abacha, and Abubakar. However, in the past three (3) years of Nigeria’s post-military democratisation process, the prevailing geopolitical alliance is essentially configured around elements from the former Northern, and Western regions, once again, under direct supervision of General (Chief) Olusegun Obasanjo (GCFR).

Quite frankly, all of the above may seem either trivial, or trite. Nevertheless, before we stray too far, we might as well pause and ask some simple questions:

At any rate, Chief (Mrs.) Akintola remains a worthy Nigerian woman role model, especially as a widow, and as a former First Lady. Now, let us take a closer look at another widow of another Aare Ona Kakanfo:

According to a Lagos-based gossip weekly newspaper, one of the several real and fake wives of late Bashorun (Chief) Alhaji Moshood K. O Abiola (Aare Ona Kakanfo XIV) started frolicking with a younger gigolo who, incidentally, is also a big-time 419er, barely two (2) years after her sudden widowhood. It is rather strange to observe that her family and friends do not bat an eyelid, neither do they give a funk about her lecherous romantic manoeuvres in the dark alleys of Opebi Street, Ikeja, Lagos, with her "spring chicken", "young blood" bóbó, within a shouting distance from her late husband’s grave.

Gossip has it that the nymphomaniac widow of the late Aare Ona Kakanfo XIV, a mother of three, routinely sends her gigolo lover boy, and provisional "brother", on 419 errands, extorting money, material benefits, and goodwill, while authoritatively dropping pro-democratic clichés, and the name of the late Chief M.K.O Abiola as collateral. To think that such a woman could have had the chance of being a First Lady of Nigeria, or at least could have derived special benefits for simply being a wife, or a concubine, or a mistress, or a girlfriend, or a "spare tyre" or a "pet project", or even a "man-no-be-wood" one-night-stand, of the President, and Commander-in-Chief of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, had Bashorun (Chief) M.K.O Abiola (Aare Ona Kakanfo XIV) been sworn in as the President of Nigeria on 27 August 1993. Thank God!

What if "June 12" (1993) was not annulled, would Chief M.K.O Abiola have survived the physical exhaustion, and emotional distractions of women like this wench that claims to be one of his myriad widows ? Would the potentially destabilising acquisition of so many legally married wives, official concubines, platonic mistresses, and impostor lovers, not have impacted negatively on Nigeria’s collective moral baseline, and good governance under Chief M.K.O Abiola? Is General (Chief) Olusegun Aremu Mathew Obasanjo (GCFR) also a victim of such moral pests? If not, then, thank God. If so, then why are such vermin allowed to either subvert or derail the focus of the government of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, without let or hindrance? Should Nigerians disregard the murky details of the sordid private lives of their public office holders? Do such queries infringe on the privacy and fundamental rights of such public officers?

What sort of role models, if at all, are Nigerian rulers trying to project of themselves? Morally bankrupt, and sexually irresponsible egomaniacs? Why have the glaring sexual excesses of Nigeria Presidents, Governors, Judges, legislators, and other public office holders been condoned for so long? Is there a correlation between a man’s management of his family (nuclear, and/or extended) and his management of, say, a local government council, or a state, or the country? In other words, can we really make a delicious Nigerian omelette without actually cracking some guinea fowl eggs?

In a recent anonymous, and unsigned full page newspaper advertisement, the Kano State Ministry of Information, Internal Affairs, Youth, Sports, and Culture, on behalf of the Executive Governor, His Excellency, Alhaji (Dr.) Rabi’u Musa Kwankwaso, the Emir of Kano, His Royal Highness Alhaji Ado Bayero, the government, and good people of Kano State, sent a message of appreciation, and gratitude to all, for what it called "the tumultuous and rousing welcome that was accorded our dear President during his memorable three-day state visit to Kano State". Fantastic!

But, hey, wait a minute: When did the Kano State Ministry of Information start expressing opinions for, and/or on behalf of the Emir of Kano? Is this a new socio-politico-economic arrangement that attempts to integrate our "Made in Nigeria" democracy with indigenous feudalism? Is this traditional sycophancy?

According to that unsigned anonymous advertisement, "Glory be to Almighty Allah that the visit has come to pass most peacefully". They thanked Mr. President for his "resolve, indefatigable disposition, and fatherly understanding throughout the visit", and went on to also thank members of his entourage, and other VIPs like the Speaker of the House of Representatives, Honourable Ghali Umar Na’Abba, former military dictators of Nigeria like Major General Mohammadu Buhari, former Head of State of the Republic of Biafra, His Excellency, Ikemba Nnewi, Eze Gburugburu Ndiigbo, Dim General (Chief) Chukwuemeka Odumegwu Ojukwu, Talban Bauchi Dr. Ibrahim Tahir, and several other big men who went to Kano for the launching of the authorised biography of His Royal Highness Ado Bayero, the Emir of Kano.

The advertisement ended by thanking their "teaming supporters who helped to make the presidential visit absolutely hitch-free and a resounding success". Wow! Wishful thinking!

Long live the Federal Republic of Nigeria!

Obasanjo’s visit to the book launch at Kano was indeed a revelation and a living testimony of Kano’s posture and disposition to the reality on the ground in the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Hopefully, one day, when he visits Odi, the Bayelsa State Ministry of Information would, on behalf of the Executive Governor, the Amayanabo of Odi, the government, and good people of Bayelsa State, send a message of appreciation, and gratitude to Bayelsans, for the tumultuous and rousing welcome that they would accord General (Chief) Olusegun Aremu Mathew Obasanjo (GCFR), their beloved President, during his memorable state visit to Bayelsa State. Fantastic! In that pipedream, the Bayelsan Government-sponsored newspaper advertisement would read:

"Glory be to God, Almighty Jehovah that the visit has come to pass most peacefully. To God be the Glory. Amen! We thank Mr. President for his resolve, indefatigable disposition, and fatherly understanding throughout the visit. We also thank members of the presidential bodyguards, and other VIPs like the former Chief of Naval Staff, the Minister of Science and Technology, former Governor of the original Rivers State, and several other big men who came to Odi for the launching of the Odi project of reconstruction, rehabilitation, and reconciliation. We thank our teaming supporters who helped to make the presidential visit absolutely hitch-free and a resounding success". Wow! Day dreaming!