|
Its a good time to be a yarriba By
‘Old boy long time no see’ What? ‘I dey troway salute’ Why are you so cheerful, don’t you know what is going on? ‘Kilo n sele? The Ikemba wants to declare secession! And the yarribas are in support, at least Braithwaite and the Odua Self Determination group says, they wont stop them. 'Ahrggm …what’? Lo..ook if you continue to punctuate the conversation with what, I will end it. ‘Ehhrgm ... what’? I told you ‘No …no no I was only clearing my throat? But what exactly is the problem’? The eboes are at it again! ‘Whaaa….’ Didn’t I tell you ‘Okay okay… I wont say what again, but pardon me, what do they want’? Who? ‘The eboes’ Ayan mi le nu..ooo…the electoral bill does not single them out unless there is a pact which they are dreaming on. ‘Igbo people sef……nobody knows how the mood takes them’ Ema dalo…hun…..jare ‘T ani’? Awon igbo? 'Why do the eboes always fall for nonsense; Do they really think the Ikemba will shoot off his mouth unless he had clearance, wasn’t this the same man who traveled abroad explaining off Abacha? How does the electoral bill affect the eboes? Unless they are dreaming over a non existent pact…' Its not the eboes, it’s the yarribas using diversionary tactics, when they don’t want you to concentrate on something, they create a smokescreen elsewhere. The same people who were shouting for whitemen’s intervention now want them out. Did you read what Jide Osuntokun wrote to the white men…. teaching them diplomacy ..said the British and the Yankees should not talk to the south south governors. ‘What did the whitemen say’? I don’t know jare, they mumbled something in their language, and now another yarriba is shouting that the Yankees want to invade the Niger Delta! Wetin concern them for Niger Delta.? At least if Yankees come, we go get coca cola and McDonald dey chop. Since when yarriba dey power wetin we see? Tell me….where is the boundary of yarriba land in Nigeria, there are in the north, in the south south and even the eboes are beginning to realize, they need yarriba advice to stick to trading. ‘Na dem turn sha …do you have something against the yarribas?’ Who me, no….but the other day I was talking to one yarriba man from Kogi, and he was telling me what ‘good’ he was doing for me, because he was supplying soldiers at Bakassi food to protect me from the Camerounians. I wanted to tell him that all the yarribas in power were paying to my state was a meager one hundred thousand naira a month for the total oil wealth they were getting…but he was buying the drinks …so I kept quiet…as if me no fit be contractor… ‘Is that why you have been after them all day long …abi you think say your turn no go reach?’ I must confess, I do not trust them. ‘Why, because ewu will not move the oil company headquarters to Uyo’? No…dem too dey cunny cuny, but dem go tell you say na sense ‘Go siddon, wetin yarriba man don do you?’ What kind question be that….who cancel derivation from 50%, who give every body twenty naira after the war before starting indigenisation, who do land use decree, who do petroleum act, which governor in the south no support resource control? All na yarriba! ‘But its not all yarribas …the afenifere people ……….’ Mba..mba…. …look at Dupe Afenifere ‘What about her’? I told you not to say…. what ‘Please forgive me, okay, how ..ehm, what about Dupe? She says eboes should stick to buy and sell, does she understand the import of that advice? ‘But its true sha’ What of the effect on their neighbours, haven’t you heard? Since Darego came back, she was quickly made a chief by the yarribas in Lagos and now all eboe traders have invaded Kalabari. ‘What for?’ To marry. Its so bad now that they are marrying off even twelve year olds, and the bride price have shot through the roof. ‘Comot, you no serious’. My brother things are serious, every way you go ..na yarriba. They stopped Rimi from broadcasting in Kaduna. Before ..before when Mai Chicago dey talk how some people want bribe am inside plane, nobody talk, even though he mentioned that ‘he told them to go and see the attorney general’. Now, those northern mumu don join in and every yarriba is threatening hell and brimstone. They have even taken it up to sharia. Fadairo said ewu will move after the faithfuls’ ‘Fadairo ke…who is Fadairo’? ‘He is the ewu’s spokesman in Ogun State who has confirmed that the ewu would move after the sharia adherents’ ‘After them? May he never catch up with them’ What do you mean? You are like that Mohammed Ali who changed tune, when the music got hot. ‘No, he did not, they are Fulani Christians in Sokoto …not even yarribas, I mean original Fulanis, not like Bala Usman’ Okay, what of Adegbite? ‘What of him?’ He says Safiya must die….. .But, I don’t understand, if Mohammed Ali is allowed to keep his hand and escape by committing a more serious crime, what have they got against Safi? ‘What crime’? Don’t tell Adegbite, but you know once a musulumi always a musulumi and you cannot recant. ‘Are you thinking apostasy’? Of course? ‘But why Safi’? It is because of Stella ‘Otio.. she is now a Calabar chief’ So what?…okay I take that back, but these Calabar people sef, I thought she was chased away by a snake, the last time she was there. ‘Speaking of Calabar, did you see ewu in a bowler hat’? What do you mean, you mean yarribas don’t wear bowler hats? ‘No, but…what of that governor in Osogbo wearing an Arab dress’? Yarribas…they are cosmopolitan sha…. ‘You know say dem dey.. now, I hear say na dem language everybody dey speak for Aso’ Are you saying Ojo Maduekwe can speak Mgbati? ‘Of course, Ojo na original Lagos bobo’ Awon igbo sa……. do you think they can appoint a governor in Lagos? ‘My brother, which one be my own…but I know say these traders can do and undo, make dem just leave our women alone'.
December 2001
|