Letter to Bill Clinton

By 

Hope Eghagba

Congratulations! Sir, on successfully and imaginatively completing your tenure as President of the United States of America, the most difficult, and perhaps the most sophisticated nation to govern at this time. The horse is too tired, and the rider gallops on with stupendous energy. So why should the race stop? Race on, this great friend of my country, my race. Do not let Republican envy and meanness turn you into something else.

As you may well know, and as the super-intelligence of the intelligence machinery of the CIA, the FBI, the Secret Service or even our own dear SSS may have informed you, you are greatly admired, loved and respected in Nigeria, and Africa. During the Monica Lewinsky hullabaloo, our leaders looked on with great amusement as the most sophisticated nation on earth made much ado about what was for them, a natural pastime. We the followers knew that in no circumstance would our leaders cast the first stone, or even the second. For here, our leaders make use of their time sucking purses dry and draining them into Europe and America. Our dear President knows how it is and he lavishly and articulately spoke our minds when he invested you with three Nigerian names. Indeed, you are a son of the soil, and may you live up to the responsibilities of a son of the soil!

Most of us from the ethnic minority groups in Nigeria were not happy that you were not given names from our place. The Urhobo people would have loved to name you 'Oghenebrohie' (meaning it's God that gives judgement). This would have been their own way of saying that in the wrestling match between ethnic majorities and ethnic minorities, God will one day intervene!. The very idea of giving you names from three ethnic groups only is a clear reflection of the arrogance of the three major ethnic groups in Nigeria. In continuation of this policy, the minorities from the Niger Delta have a token representation in the current federal cabinet. Do you see any Efe, any Preye, any Bojor in the cabinet? Perhaps their buttocks are too small for big ministerial chairs!

Of course you do know that although in terms of population, we are small, the economic mainstay comes from the minorities. God made it so, though a pseudo-academic has ignorantly argued that the oil in the Niger Delta came from the fossils of his ancestors! Allah forgive him! So this letter is meant to urge you to take the offer of Nigerian citizenship seriously. And when you do accept, please fly across the Niger and take refuge in the warm embrace of the minorities there. As a great man of minority stock, you would help us to tackle the monster that is resource control, overbearing federal presence, and bring in aid to the degraded environment.

As a minority citizen of Nigeria with the might of America behind you, and you behind us, we would be able to muscle the Federal Government into agreeing that resource control is the hallmark of federalism. I am very sure all ears would flap and listen to your beautiful voice and logical arguments. Mr. George Bush is the current President of the U.S., backed by the deadly arsenal of unclear warheads and gung-ho military advisers. But I tell you: Nigerians have more respect for you than that selected President.

So you must act. As a citizen, an international diplomat, administrator and communicator, one of the vestiges of military rule, would disappear if you can speak for the people who produce the oil to control it and pay taxes to Abuja.

When coming home again to Nigeria, please bring along with you the modern icon of the Federal Reserve Bank, Deity Alan Greenspan. If you manage to convince him, Nigerians would remain eternally grateful to you. You see, the Nigerian naira is sliding so indecently that innocent people like us are grating out teeth. Our own Alan Greenspan came out to lament and chastise us the other day for stuffing the country with imported goods. He blamed government for heavy spending. Would your own Alan Greenspan raise his hands in despair and blame Americans?

Bill Okoro Omowale Clinton! You will have a lot to do if you do come and stay. Do you know that we pamper our legislators? For example, we buy them luxury cars, furnish non-existent houses for them, beg them to read and pass bills, beg them to form a quorum, and give them honorary titles even if they do not deserve them. Do you know that as a group they are the highest paid public servants in the country? Our representatives? As a citizen of Nigeria, would you accept these?

The present administration came into office in 1999 with fanfare and panache. Indeed, we expected you at the swearing-in ceremony. You could not make it, but I am sure you were told that the joy was infectious. Nigerians were united in welcoming the civilians. None of them promised us Sharia as a tool of socio-economic development none of them promised us that they would stash monies abroad. None of them promised us that they would place themselves first before us. None of them promised to make life more difficult for us. None of them promised that religious and ethnic tension would be exacerbated. None of them promised us that they would start preparing for 2003 even before the year 20001 ended.

They promised us the healthy dividends of democracy. They promised us good education. They promised to obliterate poverty. They promised to abolish long queues for petrol. They promised to make Nigeria stronger, better, and richer. They promised to ensure constant power supply. They promised us that the naira would no longer be a beggar's child.

But the things we see now, make us yearn for something else, something greater than the sweet promised of chop-chop politicians (Are you familiar with that?) Perhaps you should speak up now. Your mentor and father in South Africa had to speak up when the machinery of government in that country started wobbling., If the people who are currently jostling and spending for power are the only options we have for the next general elections, then you must present yourself as a presidential candidate under the aegis of the Minorities Progressive party. Many I humbly volunteer myself as your Campaign Manager. Of course this move would not be new. Don't you pity my contradictions?