January 1^st of every year ushers in a New Year, and in the Nigerian context, translates into intensified early planning of festivities. It is the time of the year when almost every one makes a New Year resolution inter alia and in not distance weeks, break the resolution. It also signals a time when Nigerians in the Diaspora make commitments some of which results in dangling and ringing of wedding bells. This commitment is a testimony that regardless of who occupies the White House, the tide of political flow, Nigerians would continue to consummate themselves in holy matrimony. It is that time of the year when the grooms and brides to be meticulously glide in preparation for auspicious spring and summer weddings: the mother of all feasts, when Nigerians of diverse ethnic, social and cultural persuasions converge, both the invited and uninvited to celebrate Nigerian weddings.

The Diaspora wedding is one of the occasions in which Nigerians in the Diaspora get together to enjoy, rejoice and be engulfed in entertainment as there exists ample food and drinks. However, over the years, a new pattern of behavior has emerged during these wedding celebrations which have raised eyebrows. First, in accordance with unwritten Nigerian norm, one does not have to be officially invited in order to attend a Nigerian wedding ceremony especially in the Diaspora.

Second, the invitee does not need to know the celebrants personally. Often, the lists of the wedding invitees were derived from a list compiled by varying social organizations within the vicinity where the wedding occurs. Each spring, wedding invitation cards would saturate Nigerian mail boxes, delivered through the Postal agencies and by hand to hand distributions. Consequently, all that is required of the invitees is to mark their calendars and plan on attending on the d-day.

Third, the wedding celebrations afford Nigerians the opportunity to model their diverse and colorful Nigerian costumes with pride, dignity and to check out the latest styles which otherwise may elude their attention. Most importantly, the occasion afford Nigerians the opportunity to reunite with lost friends or family members who either because they reside in different parts of the world or because they are consumed by their works, thus unable to meet or communicate frequently.

Like I mentioned in the first paragraph, while Nigerians love to celebrate a good life, wine and dine, a new pattern of behavior have emerged. It is true that the majority of the invitees to a Nigerian wedding in the Diaspora received their invitation unsolicited, that does not mean that once they attend, they should not attend the main event – the church ceremony. The wedding, where the Priest performs the actual wedding is supposed to be a cornerstone of the overall wedding ceremony. In the Nigerian weddings in the Diaspora, the bride and groom would be happy or lucky if fifty people would show up to witness their union. Usually, those that showed up consist of the out of state invitees, the committed ones who traveled from all over the world in order to witness the union.

As soon as the church ceremony is over, the next stage would be reception. This is where hundreds of people usually converge in order to eat, drink and dance. The high degree of turn out at the reception makes one wonder which aspect of the celebration is more important: the church or the reception. In the Nigerian book, reception seems to be the core event and that amounts to another unfortunate habit exhibited by Nigerians in the Diaspora.

Accordingly, because of the tepid attitude of Nigerians in the Diaspora towards wedding attendance, some Nigerians have devised strategies tailored toward enticing those who live within the vicinity of the celebrants that supposedly could encourage them to attend the church wedding ceremony. Some of the strategies were to perform late afternoon weddings. The rationale here is to enable those who attended bachelors’ party a night before, to be able to recover from hangover and attend the church ceremony. By the way, one must not confuse the Nigerian Bachelor’s party with the American. Whereas the Nigerian party affords the participants, both male and female the opportunity to dance and party all night, the American bachelor’s party afford segregated sexes an opportunity to hire and watch stripers perform their trade privately, especially for the groom or the bride.

Comparatively, in the United States of America, it is the obligation of the parents of the bride to host the wedding of their daughter. They are obliged to pay the bills incurred during this ceremony. It is reported that in India where a similar practice occurs, the family of the groom often resort to extortion in an attempt to extract more money from the bride’s family. When such attempt is rejected, the outcome would be catastrophic as it may result in the bride’s death or disfigurement. In the Nigerian wedding, it is the obligation of the groom to pay all the bills. Unfortunately, the groom who lives in the Diaspora is also expected to do all the footwork, which would make or break the wedding. This brings us to the next Diaspora wedding problem.

It often sounds like a curse, but it has assumed an unwritten convention by itself where attendees to the Diaspora wedding rarely present a wedding gift to the celebrants. Some have argued that they would rather give the celebrant money during their introduction to the event by the Master of Ceremony. Again, very few Nigerians have done this. Rather, one would find a pack of Nigerians standing outside the hall, engaged in endless arguments. They are often very loud as each person attempts to get his or her point across. Sometimes, these arguments would result in a shouting match or a fistfight. The mindset of an average Nigerian believes that the only way to solve misunderstanding is through a fistfight. This lack of tolerance is very pervasive among the Nigerians in the Diaspora, and it is confounding to note that the Nigerian community, having lived in a civilized environment / nation have purposely chosen to ignore those behavior traits by which conflicts could be resolved in a mature and responsible way. The concept of a gentleman’s agreement in which participants would agree to disagree becomes elusive. I often ask Nigerians who are caught in this spiral and barbaric behavior – "why don’t you walk away." Walking away show maturity and understanding rather than instant gratification of being machismo, or being dubbed a coward.

Those who cared to respond have argued that the shame of being teased and portrayed as weak by their peers overwhelmed their judgement, thus the stimulus for their choice of adverse behavior. In retrospect, and in most cases, the outcome of these choices would result in the arrival of the Police, in some cases, the Firefighters. The later, with the help of the Police may break up the wedding ceremony in the name of violation of city code or ordinance where the capacity of the attendees exceeds the required number of people allowed at a sitting.

Another negative effect from the raucous behavior of the Nigerians in Diaspora is the frequency by which they are accosted with the denial of rental opportunities. It is a common knowledge that most facilities that have experienced rabid Nigerian noise have refused to rent to them. Those who decide to bite the bullet and rent to Nigerians would request for higher rental fees and security deposits. In other cases, the renters would constantly parade back and forth in the hall to ensure a smooth running of events and that is not good for the Nigerian community to be stigmatized in such a negative way. But do Nigerians care? The answer belongs to another forum.

Getting back to the issue at hand, a niggardly celebration has no place in the Diaspora wedding dictionary. In the attempt to appease the Nigerians, the host may resort to borrowing money thereby mortgaging his future and that of his new family. In extreme cases, he may end up exhausting his line of credit, which in turn may lead to accumulation of mountains of debt, and finally may lead to filing of Chapter 7. This route of events would destroy his credit rating and may exacerbate into filing of bankruptcy. This is a death financial nail in the coffin in a country where good credit is a supposition to a good life. The groom would be expected to provide the most expensive drinks, which often ends up in the garbage as Nigerians would drink half of the drink and litter them somewhere, and grab another bottle. Interestingly in their respective homes, they would buy and drink the American drinks, which is cheaper and lighter. Why Nigerians behave this way in the Diaspora beats ones imagination.

Nigerians in the Diaspora have been picking on every move made by the Nigerian public office holders. They have written thousands of proposals and rebuttals on how to transform Nigeria from a mediocre nation to a great one. They have bad-mouthed those that we called blind mice and public looters of public treasury, at the same time, they have turned around or have continued to do those things which they abhor and condemn as uncivilized, capricious and bad for Nigerians in the twenty first century.

Nigerians in the Diaspora have condemned the Nigerian government, the political parties and the politicians for excessive bickering and exercise of bad judgments, yet those who belonged to numerous organizations in the Diaspora have not worked diligently to see such organizations blossom. Instead, they would lend their resources to the pessimists whose only goal would be to tear down the organizations or create havoc. Yeah, they take pleasure in ripping apart those things that may benefit their fellow Nigerian. Instead of being thy brothers’ keeper, they have turned into thy brothers’ agent of destruction. Some of those who fit into this unprogressive teeter-totter concept I have called the "educated fools."

Nigerians in the Diaspora have a long way to go. It is assumed that being in the mist of the main action and civilized people would enable Nigerians in the Diaspora to absorb the things that make a nation and its people great, so far, it has eluded my people. The worst case was the issue of gerontocracy. It is true that in some of the Nigerian cultures such as the Igbos, one is not expected to challenge one’s elders. But come to think of it, could one imagine what would have happened had Alexander Hamilton, who was in his twenties, did not contribute his ideas during the early American political formation and the Philadelphia constitutional debate and also in the development of the first organized system of tariff, was denied the opportunity to make a difference in the formation of the country in the 17^th century. Could one imagine how the face of the United States of America would look like today, a nation which we are trying so hard to copy would be worthy of emulation. Nigeria has reached an apex where everyone should count, and not just those in the late sixties and beyond that have hijacked the mantle of government of Nigeria since independence.

If the Nigerians in the Diaspora want to lead those back home in Nigeria, they need to undertake a serious makeover and house cleaning. They need to dispose of the excess baggage that have retarded their brotherliness, progressiveness and sense of fair play, and chose those virtues that a young nation like Nigeria needed for its growth. Nigeria is anemic today because wrong ideas from wrong people have been continually injected into its blood vessel thus contaminating the whole blood. Once again, it would be spring and summer time and the wedding bells would be ringing and this time, Nigerians in the Diaspora would do the right thing for they have seen the light having reached the end of the dark tunnel.