Let us say, right from the outset, that we view the structure and raison d’être of all organised religions as mechanisms for the social control of compliant human beings, under subtle, or overt psychological, or physical pressure. Most importantly, Nigerians should learn, very quickly, about the tremendous damage that can be caused by organised dogma, in the name of religion.

This is not to say that we do not believe in a God, or Goddess, or some anthropomorphic, or metaphysical entity that is perceived as the architect of both the known and unknown universe. It does not mean that we do not have any admiration, adoration, reverence or/and respect for the various intermediaries of God like Isa Bin Yusuf (alias Jesus Christ, son of Joseph of Bethlehem), Wayingi, Musa (alias Moses), Kung Fu Che (alias Confucius), Sango, Mohammed, the Buddha, Amadioha, Mother Theresa, Olumba Obu Olumba (alias O.O.O.), Jesu Oyingbo, Akaso, Yemoja, Agbara, etc, ad infinitum. We simply do not know, or care about the details of the dynamics of Heaven and/or Hell. Neither does anyone else know, despite centuries of crusades, jihads, missionary journeys, overheated evangelical rhetoric, spiritual propaganda, psychic brainwashing, and proselytising.

We will pause for a moment, and ask a few silly simple sober questions at this point. If however, for whatever reasons, you feel uncomfortable, irritated, upset, incensed, or hurt by what you read, please quickly refer to STEP 1 above. OK folks, here goes:

By the way, is there sex after death? Are there female archangels? Do angels copulate, and with whom? With fellow angels, or human beings, or what? Do female angels, if there are any, ever get pregnant? If so, how? Do baby angels (cherubs) learn to crawl before they walk, run, or fly? Are there Negroid angels? Can angels get angry? Do angels have orgasms, that is, if at all they copulate?

Once more, please refer to STEP 1 above, and comply, I beg you. If not, then proceed beyond this sentence at your own risk, and free your mind. (Who knows? Your neighbourhood might follow suit!)

Clearly, Nigeria is afflicted with a deeply internalised syndrome of congenital male chauvinism. Take a look at (both local and global) popular opinions about Nigeria, or media depictions of the pending public stoning to death of some Nigerian nursing mothers, or/and the aborted "Miss World 2002" beauty pageant. Essentially, they all revolve exclusively around women, and female sexuality. They are all predicated on a peculiar singling out of women as objects of religious intolerance, or gender-specific stereotyping that keeps some Nigerian men permanently fixated, under the inebriating influence of their personal beliefs, about their self-assigned roles of containing women as mere sex objects. The underlying presumption is that most of all evil that is in Nigeria today is due to the intrinsically diabolical nature of women.

And so, we need to undertake a reasonably balanced evaluation of some recent events that have been accorded undue significance in Nigeria, particularly the recently aborted "Miss World 2002" pageant. Conventional wisdom makes sweeping assumptions by maintaining the usually stereotypical narratives of unrelieved misogyny, blind ignorance, arrogance, bigotry, and woman-hating. Incidentally, Nigerians have shown, among other things, that, from time to time, witch-hunting, indeed, woman-hunting, with the attendant distractions of misplaced aggression, and misplaced priorities, continue to divert their focus from addressing serious issues of nation building, meaningfully.

Quite frankly, it is only a hard-core sexual pervert, or a certified nymphomaniac, with a dangerously warped holier-than-thou complex, who would express puritanical discomfort, or feel offended, or in fact, get excited by the sight of copulating ants, dogs, lions, birds, bees, snakes, elephants, fish, mice, spiders, crocodiles, or even human beings, much less by the fleeting thought of the contents of a woman’s bikini.

Think about it: What is so erotic or obscene about a woman in a bikini? By the way, what is bad about eroticism? Who defines obscenity? The Church? The Mosque? The individual? The laws of Nigeria? What exactly is the big deal about nudity? If wearing a bikini is equated with nudity, is nudity a crime in Nigeria? Is nudity not the natural condition of all beings, be they ants, dogs, frogs, birds, flowers, cobras, fish, or human beings, be they Nigerians, Arabs, Britons, or Japanese? What is so suddenly strange about beauty contests in Nigeria that they now offend religious sensibilities? Was there ever any objection expressed about beauty contests, say in 1960, before now? Why now? On the other hand, are some Nigerians suddenly "seeing the light" or being "born again", since Lord Lugard?

Strictly speaking, Nigerians should not bother themselves about their religious beliefs any more than they should bother about the details their sexual fantasies, indulgences, or propensities. Nevertheless, religious terrorists have no such qualms. Their inherent moral superiority allows them to wear their principles on their sleeves, and attempt proselytising, justifying barbarity so self-righteously, but rather unconvincingly. Sometimes they make you begin to wonder if indeed God Almighty created them, the chosen mob, to suffer exclusively in an earthly Paradise, that is completely anaesthetised, antiseptic, and devoid of orgasms.

Of course, chauvinism exists in many guises, be it cultural, religious, sexual, economic, intellectual, political, ethnic, or/and racial. Often, a group’s parochialism might seem relatively benign, until it grows in size and power, and finally becomes malignant. Coincident with the appearance of dogmatic, demagogic, or authoritarian control, is a progressive disregard for established authority, and the views of those with whom such a group disagrees. When people aggregate in a cult-like manner, they come to take their beliefs so seriously that they feel spiritually justified to trample on the rights of others with reckless abandon.

We can trace the origins of all conflicts worldwide to sectarianism. Frequently, the various factions disguise their identities under the mask of politically aggrieved groups, but in reality, they are doctrinally, ethnically, racially, or religiously motivated. Of course, the conflicts in Afghanistan, Lebanon, Northern Ireland, Sudan, Yugoslavia, Chechnya, Cote D’Ivoire, the West Bank, and Israel come to mind.

Imagine the reach of such people who are so committed to their particular dogma, that breaches of social propriety are now taken for granted. If they have the means to do so, they even proceed to promote their agenda by exercising an overbearing influence on the polity. Failing which, they often resort to such criminal behaviour, like sponsoring communal conflicts, riots, looting, general disorder, and/or even urban terrorism, with impunity. Their beliefs, whether based on some sacred myth, or some perceived superior social or political paradigm, quickly supersede normal behaviour under the laws of Nigeria, to the total exclusion of rational thought, or opposing views. Yet, Nigeria is a democracy, and not a theocracy.

The nuisance of religious intolerance and extremism, as seen through the eyes of the world, and as played out in Nigeria, from the perspectives of both the local and international media, took strange, if not surreal dimensions as the mayhem intensified in Kaduna and Abuja. Ironically, the irate mobs have become increasingly brave and nasty as the unquestionable righteousness of their cause continues to infect them like an unchecked plague.

Beyond the exigencies of the aborted "Miss World 2002" beauty pageant in Nigeria, Nigerians ought to worry about the direction their government takes, since certain government officials overtly brandish their "born again" postures. Their religious compasses tend to misdirect their official obligations to Nigerians. They easily dismiss the objections of others because they reach certitude through the superiority of their professed dogma. They disparage those who oppose their views with scurrilous attacks. They have no scruples when trampling on the rights of others, because they believe that their religious worldview is superior to all others. They have no problem with violating the accepted rule of law, because their beliefs allow them to supplant rational thought. The Messiah Complex. As a result, Nigerians suffer detention without charge; the suspension of their personal liberties; official eavesdropping on telephone conversations; abrogation of pacts, and a looming pre-emptive war in Bakassi, République du Cameroon.

The arrogance of faith seems to have no limit. Therefore, this is what Nigerians have: a government that is against fundamentalism, while it is infected with fundamentalist, sectarian beliefs; beliefs that run counter to basic democratic principles, and universally guaranteed freedoms of belief, thought, or/and expression.

Essentially, faith is the wilful suspension of disbelief. Everything else is just smokescreen, hot air, and a kaleidoscope of rainbow-tinted mirrors. Nevertheless, let us assume for a moment that there is a God. Let us also assume for a moment that there is no problem with the colossal discrepancies between the various groups who claim to know what this God expects of earth beings. Let us further assume that, at least, some of the words that were allegedly uttered by this God, and codified into various religious treatises worldwide, actually have some validity and authenticity. Finally, let us assume that it is the Roman Catholic Church that has this right, exclusively.

Worldwide, while some groups consider certain human behaviours immoral, others find them acceptable. However, unless we are grossly misinformed, there is nobody anywhere who will tolerate the thought of the sexual molestation of little children. By what manner of gross anomaly of justice, self-worth, moral code, or doctrine can the Roman Catholic Church tolerate paedophiles within its ranks? To its credit, the Roman Catholic Church agrees that paedophilia is not very nice. They have even been willing to admit that some, amongst their crew of randy reverend gentlemen, are guilty of this most scandalous of sexual indecency. However, they are not willing to expel the bastards and condemn them for express deportation to Hell, or to turn them over to the police, at least.

Presumably, they have established a quota system of sorts. Priests are apparently allowed to fondle a certain number of children before anything needs to be done about it. One is not even clear, if they are allowed a certain number each, of boys, and girls, or if this is a gender-independent aggregate average. Based on the fact that the Church preaches forgiveness, and believes that transgressors should be given an opportunity to repent, they could simply leave it up to their God to determine if forgiveness was OK with Him/Her/It. Using that same logic, the murderer of an adult policeman should not be punished because he or she deserves forgiveness, and a second chance. However, when they descend to manipulating small children to their basest desires, they have crossed a line that is sacrosanct.

Until the Roman Catholic Church has the courage to protect the youngest members of its congregation against the sexual exploitation of its most obnoxious, but revered employees, it has no business pretending to be the moral authority on anything worth believing in. The Pope urgently needs to come out openly, and declare, loud and clear, that the Roman Catholic Church will not tolerate the sexual abuse of children. If a priest does it, he will be excommunicated, and he will face the full brunt of the law. Anything less removes all pretence that the Roman Catholic Church has any moral dignity to uphold.

According to Professor Alvin Toffler, a world-renown futurologist, the evolution of human society has been in three major waves of change, namely: the Agrarian Revolution (First Wave), the Industrial Revolution (Second Wave), and the Information Revolution (Third Wave). Each era had fundamental and measurable impacts on humanity. Each era also had its casualties. The rule of the game is very simple: Adapt or die.

The First Wave (Agrarian Revolution) enabled large-scale production of food, and invariably introduced the need for cash transactions. The driving force of First Wave societies was animal (muscle) power (like ox-, donkey-, and horse-power), and later, wind power. First Wave societies were clustered around farming activities, and rural communities. Information, and therefore knowledge, and by extension, power was under the control of the religious elite, who had the sole monopoly, authority, and access to knowledge, whether temporal or spiritual. Blasphemy was a big issue then, several centuries ago.

The Second Wave (Industrial Revolution) civilisation enabled mass production of a wider spectrum of goods and services. It accelerated transaction speeds by replacing animal power or wind power with machines. The Second Wave facilitated the movement of large inventories of cash, goods, and services at much higher speeds, across vast distances. The driving force of the Second Wave society was machine power. Second Wave societies were clustered mainly around factory activities, and industrial complexes. The main characteristics of the Second Wave civilisation included mass migration from rural areas, across national boundaries, across continents, into the major industrial production belts around the world.

Other salient features of the Second Wave era include individual reorientation necessitated by the attendant effects of relatively increased social entropy. The power of information was no longer under the control of the religious elite. Blasphemy became relatively irrelevant. Information came under the control of printers, publishers, newspaper editors, telephone companies, radio and television operators, and computer technologists, in that order of chronology. Libel, rather than blasphemy became the issue.

The Third Wave (Information Revolution) civilisation has enabled the massive transfer of data, information and knowledge, and by extension, goods and services, at vastly accelerated transaction speeds, almost instantaneously, and has replaced the need for physical presence, through linkages made possible by a worldwide network of computers, the Internet. The driving force of the Information Revolution is brainpower: Knowledge.

In the 21^st century and beyond, human societies will be clustered around knowledge centres. The main features of the Information Revolution will include the capacity for mass migration of data, information, and knowledge, instead of human beings, from any location on earth to another. Cross-border migration will become less necessary. Social reorientation/disorientation will be minimal for active participants in the revolution, but fatal for those, like Nigeria, on the other side of the so-called "digital divide".

Individualism and leisure activities will increase. Information will no longer be under the control of the clergy (religious elite), printers, publishers, newspaper editors, telephone companies, radio and television operators, computer technologists, or even undemocratic governments. Blasphemy will be virtually meaningless. Libel will become less relevant as the quantum, and speed of readily available, and unfiltered information for decision-making, will allow for more transparency, and therefore, less need for conflict or its resolution. Information has become boundary-less, and its control has become illusive to both individuals and governments alike, worldwide.

A key requirement for survival in the Third Wave civilisation is knowledge. As Alvin Toffler observed, of the three dimensions of power (i.e. violence, wealth, and knowledge), knowledge yields the highest-quality power. For the 21^st century Nigerian, who naturally should be part of this new wave, there can be no better opportunity than now, to begin to partake actively, and to derive the optimum benefits of a knowledge-based civilisation, as is currently sweeping across Planet Earth.

However, and most unfortunately, the habits, and characteristics of contemporary Nigerian society, as championed by its leaders nationwide, betray a fatal fixation for First Wave concepts, tendencies, and values like "blasphemy", "casting and binding of assorted demons, and the incineration of incarnate malevolent entities", "hoarding", "clarion calls for nationwide fasting and prayers", "inordinate concern for fornication, and adultery", "sex-dependent stoning of women", primordial macho territoriality, "the use of executive prophets, seers, overseers, and similar Holy Ghost prayer warriors", "crusades", and "jihads".

Welcome to Nigeria, the investor-friendly carnival centre of the world. The organisers of the "Miss World 2002" contest, in conjunction with "Silverbird Promotions", sole franchisees of the "Miss World 2002" pageant in Nigeria, wish to thank the hardest working First Lady of Nigeria since 1914, and Life Matron of the "Child Care Trust", Her Excellency, Chief (Mrs.) Stella Obasanjo (alias "Mummy"), including the most divinely inspired, really God-fearing, God-sent extremely philanthropic, and prayerful Executive Governors of Rivers State and Cross River State, and the wonderfully wonderful Managements and staff of the dead Nigeria Airways, and the yet to be privatised Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation, for their immense understanding, generosity, moral and financial support, blah, blah, blah, blah-dee-blah, blah-dee-boom, blah, blah, blah, blah, boom, blah, blah, blah, blah. Boom, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and blah.

And so, it came to pass that ThisDay newspaper continued to apologise for over one week, even after being a victim of premeditated arson. The Federal Government arrested a ThisDay Editor. Zamfara State banned ThisDay newspapers. A PDP policy encourages women going into politics. However, female politicians in the PDP, that are married outside of their states of origin, are expected return to their parent communities to contest, despite the grave constitutional implications. All of these are happening in a democracy. Fantastic!

Those, whom you thought were friends instantly transfigure into enemies, while those you thought were your enemies, become your friends. Worst off are those who wish to remain neutral. In their naïveté, such Nigerians, to whom the whole affair began as a harmless, though sick political joke, taken a bit too far, have now come to appreciate the futility of ignoring the pent up frustrations of Nigerians, and believe that the major antagonists could resolve their differences, if only they could meet on a neutral ground, like in the serene environs of a brothel in a Port Harcourt! (The symbolism is striking and entirely deliberate).

Suddenly, the streets of Port Harcourt became sparkling clean, and the intractable traffic jams simply disappeared. NEPA refused to "take light". For once, since after independence, the officers, rank and file of the Nigerian Police Force were visibly civil, smart, and even smiled, as they cheerfully, and politely, without guns, directed even the meanest, and rudest danfo, and kabukabu drivers away from potential traffic bottlenecks. Even the ubiquitous rickety bullion vans and their "ogogoro-energised" crew suddenly vanished.

Suddenly, garbage refused to accumulate in the centre of the streets of downtown Pitakwa. Suddenly, even the refuse collectors remembered to do their thing before daybreak, and appear in broad daylight in trendy rain boots, and photogenic uniforms. Suddenly all GSM "inter-connectivity" problems got resolved in Port Harcourt. Suddenly, NITEL recovered from an "underground" problem, sequel to a three-month old thunder strike. Suddenly, Port Harcourt became the good old "Garden City" once again, even if it was for one day. Thanks to the best ethnic fashion show (of the "Miss World 2002" pageant) that never was.

We hope, watch, and pray, that next time around, even if General (Chief) Obasanjo’s soldiers are provoked, or attacked by frustrated, disillusioned, and evidently marginalised over-exuberant unemployed youths of the hopelessly underdeveloped Niger Delta, or Middle Belt regions, there will not be any "Shoot at sight retaliatory/self-defensive orders from above". Instead, we hope, that General Obasanjo would appeal fervently to the understandably angry youths, beg, and even cajole them through a nationwide state broadcast, fire the commander of his women-raping, chicken and goat-shooting rampaging troops, and secure prime time national television slots for the relevant paramount Amayanabo, or Olu, or Tor, to also appeal to Nigerians worldwide for peace, while expressing his forgiveness for the atrocities committed in his domain, in the spirit of "Miss World 2002".

Finally, goodbye to "Made in Nigeria" sexual terrorism, and welcome back to the early 21^st century, where His Excellency, US President George W. Bush is the undisputed Supreme Commander-in-Chief of the "War Against Terrorism", worldwide. Remember, the Taliban have melted mysteriously into nowhere in particular! Incidentally, quite a lot of the "Miss World" girls appear suitable for a good "you know". (Hey! Baby, won’t you be my canoe? I will be you polluted River Sombrero, and you can paddle on me, on a cool Sunday morning, just before communion.) Blasphemy? No, just romantic poetry. Period. Full stop.

November 2002