On this special day of mine when once a year I am reminded of, and at the same time celebrate, my mortality, as I watch day-by-day this video-game-like war in Mesopotamia around the Garden of Eden, I am sickened. I am more sickened by the senseless deaths of women and children, and alarmed at the use by the US of depleted uranium bombs which suck the life out of human beings.

If the DUs bombs are not Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD), then they sure are WMA - Weapons of Mass Ad-suction.

As I see it, there are five entities in this war now:

(1) President George Walker Bush ("Dubya") of the US, backed by the awe-some and shock-ful power of US military might;

(2) President Saddam Hussein of Iraq, backed by the aw-ful and shocked weakness of Iraqi military "might";

(3) the US and Iraqi military men and women, boys and girls on the battle field, mere jobbers all;

(4) the long-suffering and terrified Iraqi people – oppressed by Saddam at home and by new US bombs and rifles also at home.

(5) the nations of the Coalition of the Un-Willing, safely in the comfort of their various countries, in opposition to the nations of Coalition of the Willing on the battle field;

You may wish to add the American people as Entity # 6, but despite protests for and against this war on the streets of Washington and New York and Peoria, etc., we are mere onlookers in this particular show. The train has left the train station: before it left, we said that it should not have left. But now that it has left, it must reach its destination safely.

Now, George and Saddam are very proud people, and Dubya’s reputation is at stake. Saddam has no reputation to maintain. So Dubya will finish the job his Daddy began in 1991 of removing Saddam from office once and for all, by hook or by crook, dead or alive.

I know that he will succeed. Whether he should have that policy of regime change in the first instance is the topic of another symposium, not this one.

Some people that I have read have ONLY ONE SOLUTION to these sad events - use truth, propaganda and outright demagoguery to shame the United States so that it can suddenly STOP THE WAR IMMEDIATELY.

Okay, that is a strategy, but I know that it will not work. To expect the US just to pull back based on weak entreaties is ludicrous.
 

So I have a number of suggestions to make to each of these entities:

(1) to George: to please target only Saddam and his henchman and military barracks, and stop blanket-bombing Iraq and its long-suffering people;

(2) to Saddam: to please sacrifice his pride and spare his people; if he is not dead, he should leave Iraq for a safe country, maybe to Russia or France, where his safety will be best guaranteed. Certainly not to any Arab country, to where he will be pursued, and most likely promptly betrayed. If Saddam is dead, he should kindly ask that his corpse be displayed.

(3) to the military jobbers on the field: to please show restraint  wherever possible, to each other and especially to Iraqi civilians, despite their battlefield fears;

(4) to the Iraqi people: to please continue to pray to God and Allah, and not to become suicide bombers no matter the promise of martyrdom on Earth and virgins in Heaven – God frowns on suicide, and there are actually no virgins in Heaven (I am reliably told) and many more on Earth (but getting fewer, so they better hurry). That way, innocent people are not killed at checkpoints by frightened and trigger-happy soldiers of the Coalition of the Willing;

(5) to the Coalition of the Unwilling – particularly France and Russia - to please give Saddam, if alive, safe haven in exchange for bringing the US before some world tribunal, if the feeling is so strong is that the US has done a crime against humanity in "unilaterally" going against Iraq without UN approval.

That would be a good "quid pro quo", would it not? Then all can claim victory – and go home.

Now some may retort: "What right does the US have to ask Saddam to quit his own country? What arrogance, this regime change policy?"

To whom I say "Okay, Let him stay there then, and listen to brave people so far away, and watch his nation crumble right under him!"

Even a ringside trainer knows when to throw in the towel when his fighter is being bloodied and battered by a punishing opponent. If that opponent then persists, he may be sued for cruel and unusual punishment.

A word is enough for the wise – but I hate this war.