Time is on our side

Time is on our side

Going through the birthday announcements in the newspapers and magazines can be quite illuminating. On a slow weekend, when NEPA is AWOL and socializing is out of the question because Jackson Gaius-Obaseki's trillion tankers of refined crude are nowhere to be seen, there is nothing better than curling up in a comfortable chair with the papers to find out which big man or woman has added a year to his official age. Personally, it gives me a buzz to know that a lot of important folks who have made a career out of duping Nigeria cannot do the same to Father Time.

In terms of sheer value, I have discovered that the birthday columns generally have more to offer than other sections in your average paper or magazine. Compared to the officious and tedious news ("In a bid to check the menace of fuel smuggling, the Federal Government has set up a committee to probe ...") and pedestrian analyses ("the progressives will be a critical factor in the 2003 elections") which we journalists inflict on our long-suffering readers, these pithy announcements on the passage of time are quite refreshing. For one thing, they are original. Every birthday comes once, so each birthday is original, it cannot be repeated. But there are, of course, some exceptions to this rule, persons who manage the feat of marking the same anniversary more than once. In this category are young ladies who are skilled in the art of separating suitors from their money. I recall an unforgettable example. To the question, "when is your birthday?," this particular girl responded without missing a beat "it depends on how much you have! Today can be my birthday!"

The most notable recent birthday celebrant was President Olusegun Obasanjo who turned 64 recently. A friend has suggested that the First Citizen is likely to be older than this advertised age. In those far-gone days when the president started his formal education, it was a common practice for parents to deduct a year or two or even three from the age of their children. This was a pre-emptive move to ensure that the eventual retirement of the individual in question from UAC or P&T or John Holt is delayed by a few profitable years. Could Chief Obasanjo have been a beneficiary of this kind of parental prescience? Your guess is as good as mine. However, we can conclude, with some certainty, that our number one citizen didn't need the advantage. He didn't join the UAC or any of the other bastions of our colonial-era economy. He opted instead for the army, ending up as Head of State at (hold your breath) the ripe old age of 39! Yes, that's right. Our president, whose faith in the virtues of old age is legendary, an elder who consults his fellow elders on critical matters of state was less than 40 when he became the leader of the largest collection of black people on the face of the earth. Today, he is a gerontocrat disguised as a democrat. Time really changes everything.

There is another reason why the President's official age may be off the mark. At the time he was born in 1937 or thereabouts, Nigerians were not very fastidious about keeping records. The example of Chief Sam Mbakwe, former Governor of old Imo State is instructive. The lively Dee admits that he is not sure exactly when he came into the world. However, family folklore says that he was born about the time that the Aba women were rioting against the colonial government and so his official birthday is 1929, making him 72 this year.

I have also been informed by the newspapers that Pat Utomi is 45. It was quite a shock to discover that he is that old. That I must add, is not a comment on the paucity of his achievements. Even if he were 70 years old, Utomi who is an ubiquitous presence in both the academic and corporate worlds would be considered a man of substance. Apart from his full-time job as a teacher at the Lagos Business School, he is also the chairman of one of the new promising banks and the National Manpower Board. But he has been described as a whiz kid for so long that one had forgotten that though his credentials as a whiz are impeccable, he is far from being a kid.

Eniola Fadayomi, the winsome daughter of political icon late Chief Bode Thomas was 50 recently. The lady is aging beautifully. She was more visible during the Babangida era as Lagos State Attorney-General and Commissioner for Justice and, later Chairman of AFRIBANK Plc. Today, Fadayomi who made a name in high-profile positions in male-dominated sectors is playing a more sedate role as Commissioner for Women Affairs in Lagos State. She is, so to speak, back in the kitchen.

Also 50 is Ndi Okereke-Onyiuke, the amazon who holds the fort at the Nigerian Stock Exchange. Though I am not very knowledgeable about the stock market (I find stock fish eminently more interesting!) if the number of interviews and fawning congratulatory messages that she has received is anything to go by, then Okereke-Onyiuke must be doing something right. Or at least making some people happy.

Major-General Adeyinka Adebayo, military governor of the defunct Western Nigeria is 73. The old war-horse, his bio-data informs me, was an aide-de-camp to the Governor-General of Nigeria and a member of the United Nations peace-keeping force to the Congo. He's been retired for all of 26 years. In the meantime, of course, his son Niyi is the democratic "Executive Governor" of Ekiti State... A touching example of how "khaki and agbada" can co-exist harmoniously under one roof.

Gen. Domkat Bali, the chainsmoking, mild mannered soldier who announced the execution of Gen. Mamman Vatsa and others for plotting against the Babangida regime was 61 last month. He was Minister of Defence before he was outflanked and forced to retire by Sani Abacha. He has been very quiet. Bali is one of the old-breed Sandhurst-trained soldiers who have neither the temperament nor the will to survive in the era of political soldiering patented by Babangida.

Another vanishing presence in the national consciousness is Primate Theophilus Olabayo, founder of the Evangelical Church of Yahweh. Until he succumbed to a sudden stroke several years ago, Olabayo was the toast of the prophecy "industry" who used his spiritual binoculars to detect all manner of portents, usually negative, about the future of individuals and the nation. Actually, even before the illness, his stars had dimmed somewhat when he predicted wrongly that the older George Bush would beat Bill Clinton in the 1992 US presidential election. It has been speculated, rather unfairly, that his failure to foresee his own ill health is responsible for his declining fortunes. The logic is that a prophet who cannot prophesy on matters right in front of his nose is not likely to see far enough to be useful to others. One hopes that Olabayo's health will improve so that he can contribute to the urgent task of entertaining Nigerians at a time that we have little to be cheerful about.

Senator David Dafinone, patriarch of the world's premier accountancy family is 74. The man has served his nation and his profession well and deserves our good wishes. However, even as we clink glasses to his good health, a foreboding cloud hovers in the horizon. How can the Dafinones retain their position in a competitive world? The obvious answer is to recruit some grandchildren into the accountancy profession in order to defend the family's honour.

Philip Asiodu, Chief Economic Adviser to the President is considered by his many detractors as a conservative hawk and the IMF's closest ally in these parts. In spite of their curses, the man is still active in the inner sanctum of power. He is also very well preserved for his 67 years. Dr. Olatunji Dare once joked that Asiodu's friend, Alhaji Abubakar Alhaji who was recycled by so many governments should be enshrined in the constitution. Asiodu deserves a similar honour. The man's capacity for hanging on would embarrass a bat.

To end these musings on a pleasant note is Victor Efosa Uwaifo, musician, businessman and currently Edo State Commissioner for Culture. Uwaifo is a phenomenon. He invented the class of guitar he uses. He has a first class degree in First Arts from the University of Benin. His wizardry with the guitar is astounding and, of course, he has "Joromi" and other immortal hits to his name. All excellent reasons to give 60 happy cheers to a multi-talented patriot.