The minimally invasive sweet words of subliminal seduction of the serpent, as narrated by Prophet Moses, in the ancient Middle Eastern mythological account of the incident at the Garden of Eden, define the basic instinct and ultimate expectation of the average Nigerian politician today. Apparently, the snake’s devious injunction ("You will be like God") is the favourite biblical passage, and source of spiritual inspiration for most devout Nigerian politicians, since they work very hard at translating the snake’s theological sweet talk into concrete reality. In the process, they have come to seriously believe that they are all God-compliant, or at least, God-sent

Of course, earth beings take pleasure in playing "God", just like normal 3 year olds also play at being brain surgeons, or Spiderman. Humans like to control their fellow human beings. Lies, power plays, and all manner of deception have been, and continue to be used to build up God-like authority, right here on earth. Most members of the Nigerian power elite find it very difficult not to play "God" with fellow Nigerians.

Since the snake’s words are based on cunning, and deception, most Nigerian politicians deceive, mesmerize, and, if need be, blind their fellow countrymen, without qualms, in the name of "patriotism". This is not to say that some of them are not awe-inspiring, or do not possess attributes based on their intellect, integrity, vision, and sense of mission. However, in spite of all their posturing, most Nigerian politicians lead their fellow Nigerians down a black hole, or at best, up a blind alley, most of the time.

Recently, a group of respectable, and very elderly Nigerians, all of them, past their late-70s, most of them, lawyers, coincidentally, all of them, from the Southern states of Nigeria, and popularly known across Nigeria as "The Patriots", led by Chief Rotimi Williams (SAN), the editor-in-chief of the defunct Obasanjo (1979) Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, advised the 65 years young President to reconsider his apparently inordinate ambition to rule Nigeria, once again, for the third time, in the interest of peace, and for the sake of the stability, unity, and indivisibility of Nigeria.

The Patriots further suggested rotational presidency as a solution for Nigeria’s political dysfunction, although they did not indicate from where their silly experiment should begin. However, predictably, General Obasanjo retorted, seemingly offended, by asserting rather forcefully, that The Patriots’ advice was unconstitutional and uncalled for, and that he would ignore it. Meanwhile, another 71 years old lawyer, Chief Richard Abimbola Akinjide (SAN), former Minister of Justice, and very recently Nigeria’s lead counsel to the International Court of Justice at The Hague, on Nigeria’s failed claims to the Bakassi Peninsular, has warned that, if General Olusegun Aremu Obasanjo is removed from office, then there will be no Nigeria. Period.

All of these are attitudes, utterances, and actions of so-called patriotic and eminent Nigerian statesmen, all them, busy seriously playing "God". The more things change, the more they remain the same. The more we think, the more we forget. The older they grow, the more infantile the disorder that they create with their logic. Heaven help us all.

Maybe … who knows? This whole charade could probably be a very badly scripted and badly acted out exit strategy for salvaging General Obasanjo’s misadventures in the democratic universe. Probably, The Patriots really want to patriotically assist General Olusegun Obasanjo save his face. Maybe, as agreed, prior to his inauguration on Saturday, 29 May 1999, Obasanjo, being a risk taker, and a good actor, would sacrifice himself deliberately, feign sit-tight behaviour, consciously disregard public opinion about his apparent lapses and excesses (like frequent flying), risk losing a re-election, and then GRACEFULLY handover power (complete with smiles, laughter, and warm embraces with his opponent, to whom he MUST lose very cheerfully), as demanded by democratic etiquette, in part-fulfilment of his humble sacrifices (being a natural messiah), as his contribution to the facilitation of the germination of nascent democracy on Nigerian soil, and as a noble example to subsequent generations of political aspirants in Nigeria, in his capacity as a very fanatically patriotic fatherly elder statesman. Probably. Maybe ... who knows? At any rate, let us just digress for a while, and regain our sanity, before we land:

The oldest extant architectural structures on earth are the Egyptian pyramids. Fundamental questions revolve around what the pyramids seek to communicate. However, it is very doubtful if thousands of ordinary Egyptians would have readily and willingly volunteered for the backbreaking hard labour, just to build a massive grave for an ego-tripping shrivelled up mummified despot.

The focal point of any Egyptian pyramid is its innermost chamber, the location of the Pharaoh’s coffin. Commoners believed that their beloved monarch was a god. Eternal life, with all the goodies of food, drinks, and merry-making with especially hand-picked sensuous young and old ladies, preferably virgins, were to be the Pharaoh’s topmost priority, on resurrection. Ordinary Egyptians most readily accepted the whims of their Pharaoh, since they too would participate in the mouth-watering pleasures awaiting only those found worthy to enter Paradise. It was believed that serving the god-like Pharaoh would surely earn any hard-working patriotic Egyptian peasant a few "Jerry Gana" Media Award medals, required for identification and expedited clearance with the security guards, gatemen, and angelic immigration officials, at the platinum-coated gates of the Kingdom of Heaven.

The pyramid enshrined the Egyptian Pharaoh, just like Aso Rock Villa beatifies the Nigerian President. The serpent’s promise, "You will be like God", was actualized in the life and death of the Pharaoh. God was not far away. God was with them, right there, in the Nile Valley: the Emmanuel Syndrome. To serve the Pharaoh, in any manner he desired, was to serve God Almighty. Credits for acceptance into a happy-ever hereafter were the rewards of such unalloyed loyal service. The intimidating visual effect of the pyramid fulfilled the promise of the snake. Man, indeed, had become God.

It is interesting to note that the Emmanuel Syndrome is also very active in Nigeria today. To serve the President and Commander-in-Chief, or the Executive Governor, or the Honourable Local Government Chairperson, in whatsoever manner they choose, is to serve God Almighty. "Dividends of nascent democracy" for accelerated acceptance into a better life, in the here-and-now, are the instant rewards for unalloyed sycophancy, blind slavery, and self-depreciation.

The intimidating visual effects of Aso Rock Villa, or Government House, or the Chairman’s Official Residence (in his village!) fulfil the promise of the biblical snake. Nigerians, indeed, have become gods. The political arena of early 21^st century Nigeria deceives the ordinary Nigerian as much as His Imperial Majesty, (Baby Pharaoh) Tutankhamen deceived ordinary Egyptians several thousand years ago. The more things change, the more they remain the same. The more we think, the more we forget. The older we grow, the more infantile the disorder that our leaders create. Heaven help us all

Ancient Sumerians conscripted architects to perpetuate their understanding of the snake’s words of power. Instead of elevating mortals to be God, they sought to climb into the high heavens, and there, consort with the gods. Indeed, in such fellowships, Sumerians believed that they had become gods.

Modern Nigerian Presidents, Governors, Local Government Chairpersons, and indeed all Nigerian politicians conscript pastors, reverend fathers, imams, evangelists, alfas, prophets, Ifa priests, prayer warriors, marabouts, or voodoo scientists to perpetuate their understanding of the snake’s lure to megalomania.

Instead of elevating his mortal self to be God, General Obasanjo prefers to be humble, ad so, he flies into the upper stratosphere, once every ten days on the average, and there, he consorts with the Lord God Almighty. In such celestial fellowships, General Mathew Obasanjo reinforces his belief that he indeed has been endorsed by Yahweh, who, incidentally, is the one and only God of ancient Palestine.

Classical Greek gods were very much at home on Planet Earth. Greeks felt more comfortable with gods who acted pretty much like human beings. Greek gods cavorted around, imitating human beings. They had sexual liaisons with some of the most beautiful women in the ancient Mediterranean world. Greek gods fought with each other, were jealous, and, in short, reflected human behaviour. The Greeks whittled their gods down to human size. For the Greeks, "If man no be wood, then, Jupiter too no be wood" The difference between gods and humans simply vanished.

Modern Nigerian politicians, even though they seriously believe, and act like they are gods, are very much at home on earth. A typical meeting of Southern Governors, or Northern Governors, or South-South Governors, or Federal Executive Council meeting, or Council of States meeting, or any other congregation of political heavies for that matter, feels more comfortable with participants who act like ordinary Nigerians, instead of like gods, or a President, or a Governor, or a Minister. Nigerian politicians frolic around, imitating ordinary Nigerians. They routinely indulge in non-platonic relationships with some of the most beautiful women in the known universe. Nigerian politicians, even though they hallucinate frequently that they are gods, fight with each other, are resentful, and, in short, reflect base human frailties easily. Nigerians have whittled their god-like leaders down to human size. The difference between gods and Nigerian leaders has finally disappeared.

It is very difficult to figure out the theology behind the custom that permitted the Lord of the English Manor, both as a privilege, and as a right, to deflower all virgins in his domain on their wedding night. Surely, those patriotic nobles felt that such a delicate job must be handled, in God’s name, by someone more experienced in those matters than an over-exuberant young bridegroom, who might be rough, or insensitive to the delicate needs of his very tender bride. Certainly, those worthy nobles attended church services the next Sunday morning, and rejoiced in the chants and hymns of priests and choirs.

It is equally very hard to try to even figure out the divinity behind the religion that permits a President, or an Executive Governor, or a Senator, or a Representative, or a Minister of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, either as a privilege, or as a right, to organise sporadic incursions into the decrepit female hostels of Nigerian universities, colleges of Education, polytechnics, and Schools of Nursing, in hot pursuit of anything in skirts, within their damage radius. Paradoxically, some of those very worthy leaders attend church services every Sunday morning, and sing the usual songs of praises to the saints triumphant, while others attend mosque services unfailingly, every Friday afternoon, in total submission to the will of Allah. The older they grow, the more infantile the damage that they create with their Viagra-enhanced libido. Heaven help us all.

Ancient theology has imposed a snake’s deceptive advice, resulting in all manner of self-contradictory behaviour, in supposedly sane 21^st century Nigerians. The gods of ancient Palestine, medieval Europe and 8^th century Arabia, who beckoned on ordinary Israelites, Europeans and Arabs to leave behind earthly delights, have become the gods of modern Nigerian peasants, while their leaders prefer the physical and metaphysical comforts of Pharaonic existentialism, both in life and in death.

The President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria seriously believes that the Lord God Almighty, or Jehovah, or Yahweh, or Òlódùmárè, or "The Father", actually speaks through him to Nigerians. Have humans become gods, or have the gods become human? In whichever way we chose to answer the question, the snake’s sly design is finally completed. Elevating human beings to God, or reducing gods to humans, has been responsible for our confusion about the true nature of both gods and men.

Here ends the digression. Now, let us get back to business, and take a closer look at The Patriots:

In simple English, The Patriots are trying to play "God". After all, they embody "The Law", so to speak. The Patriots are telling Nigerians that they can selectively change the rules of the game, if and whenever there is a threat to the incumbency of any inept, visionless, loquacious, and garrulous Nigerian leader, whose tenure, like General Obasanjo’s, they have wrongly equated with the corporate existence of Nigeria, or indeed, democracy. In essence, The Patriots are suggesting subtly that:

Holy Moses! With a nascent democracy like this, who needs plutocracy? Once upon a time, it was "Power Shift", targeted at ensuring the resurrection and subsequent coronation of General Olusegun Obasanjo, sequel to his imprisonment. Today, it is "Rotational Presidency", designed as an exit strategy for avoiding the crucifixion of General Obasanjo. Clearly, Jah Jehovah Chínékè God Almighty moves in mysterious ways. Thanks to The Patriots.

The selective logic of the argument of the proponents of "rotational presidency", or "zoning" is that the old Northern region has controlled the central government of the Nigerian Federation, in virtual perpetual joint venture with the old Western region, for over 30 years now, and that other sections of Nigeria should also be allowed to "enjoy" the dividends of political control, so that they too can have a sense of belonging, so that they would not feel irrelevant. How brilliant!

Unfortunately, those were the very arguments that produced General Obasanjo as Nigeria’s nascent President, exclusively from the South West, post-"June 12", and three Senate Presidents, exclusively from the South East, irrespective of their individual strengths and weaknesses, in less than three years. To say the very least, zoning, or "rotational politics", has unwittingly institutionalised an unbelievable culture of complacent mediocrity in Nigerian politics particularly, and in every other aspect of healthy human interaction in Nigeria generally.

In the first place, the over 30 years of predatory autocracies visited on Nigerians, led in the main by coup plotters of Northern Nigerian origin, were, to state the obvious, military dictatorships, and not democracies. Generals Yakubu Gowon, Murtala Mohammed, Mohammadu Buhari, Ibrahim Babangida, Sani Abacha, and Abdulsalami Abubakar were never mandated by the good people of Northern Nigeria to be the Heads of State of Nigeria. They grabbed power unconstitutionally. Besides, Generals Johnson Aguiyi-Ironsi and Olusegun Obasanjo were not mandated by Ndiigbo and Egbas, respectively, to be the Heads of State of Nigeria. They grabbed a fruitful opportunity to rule Nigeria unconstitutionally. So, why should Northern Nigerians be made to feel the guilt, the shame, or the ignominy of Generals Gowon, Mohammed, Buhari, Babangida, Abacha, and Abubakar? Why should Ndiigbo or Egbas be made to feel the guilt, the shame, or the ignominy of the stewardships of Generals Aguiyi-Ironsi and Obasanjo, while they were in office as predatory military autocrats?

The assumptions inherent in the "turn-by-turn" philosophy of Nigerian politics, which The Patriots are trying to sell surreptitiously, are rather simplistic, retrograde, and downright farcical. A coup d’état is a treasonable act. All military governments in Nigeria from Saturday, 15 January 1966, to Saturday, 29 May 1999, represented the interests of various cabals within a crop of overtly power-intoxicated, opportunistic, and politically "longer-throat" breed of soldiers in post-colonial Nigeria. Simple! After all, they never dared to mutiny, or even dream of overthrowing the British colonial government, no matter how hot-headed they may have been, or think they still are; no matter their real or imagined numerical strength, and other advantages as gun-carrying foot soldiers of the West African Frontier Force. So why are they suddenly relevant?

Is Major Nzeogwu relevant? Is Major Dimka relevant? Is Brigadier General Bako relevant? Is Major General Vatsa relevant? Is Major Okar relevant? Is Colonel Gwadabe relevant? Is HRH (Major) Jokolo relevant? Is Lawyer Diya relevant? Is Chief Shonekan relevant? Or are we now to glorify perfidy, intrigue, subterfuge, and treason, simply because they happen to wear dazzling attires of false success?

Are successful coups d’état now to be acknowledged as extensions of our own home-grown "Made in Nigeria" democracy? If so, then both Generals Obasanjo and Babangida have exhausted their credits: They have both spent two (2) terms in office to date. However, if successful coups d’état are not to be acknowledged as extensions of Nigerian democracy, then we might as well start unlearning the bad habit of referring to the lead beneficiaries of successful coups d’état as former Heads of State of Nigeria, or even acknowledge the painful fact that their illegal tenures ever existed. In that case, Generals Gowon, Buhari, Babangida, and Abubakar are obliged to please stop attending Council of States meetings hereafter. Furthermore, they should be required to honourably hand over their self-awarded national honours as Grand Commanders of the Federal Republic (GCFR), with immediate effect, and their military ranks should be appropriately re-calibrated down to size, in tandem with those of their fellow retired course mates, in the national interest, and for the sake of progress.

Since Nigeria attained independence on Saturday, 1 October 1960, there have been two (2) aborted republics (1961~1966, and 1979~1983), one (1) stillborn republic (1993), and one (1) on-going (1999~2003). The First Republic had Sir (Dr.) Nnamdi Azikiwe (LLM; KCBE; GCFR), one time Premier of Eastern Nigeria, and one time Senate President of the Federation of Nigeria, as President. The Second Republic had Alhaji Shehu Shagari (GCFR), a First Republic politician, as President. The Third Republic had no president, since none was sworn in, even though there was a National Assembly, Executive Governors, State Assemblies, and Local Government Councils in place, whose individual and collective confirmed mandates were vaporised by a predetermined "child of necessity" coup d’état on Wednesday, 17 November 1993. The Fourth Republic has General (now Chief) Olusegun Obasanjo (GCFR; pss; fss), a former military dictator in the late-1970s, as President.

All other pretenders to the title of former Head of State of Nigeria, specifically the leaders of past military juntas, including the Chairman of the Interim National Government, are products of an illegality called coup plotting. In other words, since coups d’état are essentially criminal by Nigerian Law, it is dangerous to grant the leaders of coup plotters any iota of national relevance by including their tenure as part of the collective political memory of Nigeria. In short, short of instigating a systematic inquisition against all surviving coup plotters in Nigeria today, it will be best if Nigerians simply brush aside all those wasted 29 cumulative years of autocratic brigandage, of which General Obasanjo was a major actor, as a forgiven aberration, even if their sordid legacies were avoidable. (Lef am for God, ojare).

In all fairness, the problem does not lie with the operators of the system, but with the characteristics of the operating system called "nascent" democracy. The underlying naïve assumption about politics in Nigeria is that "democracy" is the civilian analogue of a benevolent parasitic autocracy. The ritual of governance is replete with "ADCs", "Chiefs of Staff", convoys, security details, and "Executive orders", including "Orders from Above", and servile cants of "Baba", "Oga" "Sir", "Madam", "Ma", just as it was during the predatory military autocracies of the 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s in Nigeria. Public functions attended by the President, Vice President, Senate President, Speaker of the House of Representatives, State Governors, and Local Government Chairpersons, are invariably reduced to waking nightmares for helpless Nigerians, by the raving lunatics that constitute the security staff, protocol officers, hangers-on, and loyal personal sycophants of Nigerian leaders.

From all indications, the average Nigerian politician does not see politics beyond the four-yearly sacrament of rigged elections. Nigerian politicians do not even bother to solicit the attention of the people they hope to represent, and whose votes they aught to seek to obtain, beyond the usual mindless, remotely controlled littering of the Nigerian landscape by their indiscriminate pamphleteering and poster pasting orgies, just before every election. No debates. No manifestoes: Just sloganeering, arranged "solidarity visits", choreographed "endorsements", endless (7 days-a-week, 365-days-a-year) "courtesy calls", and the shameless, and blatant usurpation of state facilities for political advantage, all in the name of "incumbency factor".

For obvious reasons, the Fourth Republic started with the legislature pleading for patience, and time in order to fully learn, assimilate, and internalise the culture of democracy. Ironically, Nigerians assumed that General Obasanjo, with the benefit of his previous hands-on exposure and experience, both as the deputy leader of a military junta (1975~1976), and as the head of a military junta (1976~1979), was sufficiently acclimatised to democratic governance. Over 40 month after, Nigerians are no longer in doubt that the National Assembly is either un-trainable, or that it is indeed operating a rather difficult political syllabus: the booby-trapped Abubakar (1999) Constitution. Certainly, we all now recognise the marginal utility, indeed, the uselessness of all the cumulative experience of all former military heads of junta, as exemplified in General Obasanjo, in a democratic dispensation. These are some cogent, even if unexpected lessons and dividends of the Fourth Republic.

Let us now take a closer look at some other major lessons that Nigerians have been lucky to be taught within the lifetime of the Fourth Republic:

Only recently, a distinguished Nigerian spirit in disguise, on temporary incarnation in God’s own country, and a traditional chief of a tiny hamlet just outside of Abuja, former US President Bill Clinton, while delivering the annual lecture of the Nigerian Institute of International Affairs (NIIA) at Abuja, advised that the solutions to Nigeria’s myriad, and near-intractable problems may be found within Nigeria. He reminded Nigerians that they, and they alone, can fix those problems, and that there is nothing wrong with Nigeria that Nigerians cannot fix.

In essence, the husband of Senator Hilary Clinton, former First Lady of the United States of America, and former First Lady of Arkansas State, is politely telling the husband of Chief (Mrs.) Stella Obasanjo (alias "Mummy"), that enduring solutions to Nigeria’s problems will not be found by flying aimlessly overseas, every now and then, under the asinine belief, or pretext of the inevitability of attracting bogus foreign investors into Nigeria. In short, Nigerians and Nigerians alone will have to fix Nigeria’s problems ultimately, because there is nothing about Nigeria that Nigerians cannot fix.

The former US President, who was on his third visit to his acutely impoverished and politically moribund adopted motherland, Nigeria, spoke against the background of the several teething problems facing General Obasanjo’s civilian dictatorship, gone haywire. Sarikin Bill Clinton stated that Nigerians have the capacity to shape the affairs of the world in the 21st century, if, and only if, they imbibe the culture of democracy; that the capacity of Nigerians to solve their own problems is derived from the simple fact that intelligence, ability and goodwill are fairly distributed worldwide; and that Nigerians could therefore maximise theirs in order to make progress. He explained that democracy is slow, and that automatic changes would not just materialise simply because of democracy. Luckily, dignitaries at that lecture included Generals Obasanjo, Babangida, and members of the Federal Executive Council.

Below is the gist of former US President Bill Clinton’s tutorial on the fundamentals of democracy for the politically challenged. (OBJ, please take notes):

Further to Álábó Bill Clinton’s lecture, we might as well add that Nigeria’s challenge is how best to accept the not-so-obvious fact that democracy can never be meaningfully actualised by any living former head of a military junta in Nigeria. The glaring high cost of General Obasanjo’s cock-eyed version of "nascent" democracy, with all its layers upon layers of parasitic, and/or predatory autocrats, operatives, hangers-on, and patronage-addicted politicians, is a threat to the survival of democracy in Nigeria. Liberty, equality, justice, and democracy should be more than mere slogans. Nigerians have a duty of ensuring that autocracy is not practised in the guise of democracy, to their detriment.

In the mean time, the more things remain the same, the more they have to change. The older they grow, the more infantile the logic of their gerontocracy. The more we forget, the more we will be forced by circumstances to use our heads, and think. Think!

Remember, the longer they stay, the harder we will have to pray and seek divine intervention, once again, like we did very successfully on Monday, 8 June 1998, when some Indian harlots miraculously materialised in the innermost chamber of the executive "short-time" suite of Aso Rock Villa Annexe, complete with Eve’s apples, assorted aphrodisiacs, and a make-shift coffin for the Head of State.

Long live the President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. Now, lest us fast and pray harder, like we did in 1998.

Nov 2002