Why are we so jinxed?

By 

Hope Eghagha  

I felt very reassured the other day when our respected First Citizen confidently complained to the Press that on petrol matters, Nigeria is jinxed. Indeed, all Nigerians were exhilarated that the President was doing his job excellently well by complaining about petrol to us. May God bless him accordingly! The jinx! It reminded me of everything African, particularly our ancestors and well, some of our grand parents who held the wife of the house responsible if a baby refused to come. "Witchcraft", the inimitable native doctor would proclaim. "Hang her", the family would say, "her witchcraft has made her barren." In another circumstance, a woman would be derided for giving birth to only girls. In fact, my people have a name for such unfortunate fellows: "Ovwiemete", literally, 'one who gives birth to girls'. The petrol problem and the President's jinx also reminded me of the Sisyphean myth. Sisyphus was punished by the gods to roll a boulder up a hill. On getting to the top, the mischievous rock would roll back, in a sort of rock and roll manner! In a sense therefore, Mr. President dutifully reminded us that no matter how we try, we would always go back to the mud. Is this a special vote of no confidence? Onus? On himself? On the PDP? On the 49 wise men and women who made up the largest cabinet in Africa?

The jinx and the leader! Once General Obasanjo suggested the use of the Black Bomb to liquidate apartheid. Now, he talks about a jinxed petrol situation! It fits. This therefore is my humble endorsement of the President's passion for myth, jinx, and ritual. To complete Mr. 'President's African-alternative' suggestion, he glowingly spoke of reporting the matter to the elders. All of us know that in Africa, once a matter is referred to the elders, an immediate solution is proffered.

May I therefore suggest that we take the President's concern seriously by convening an assembly of elders. The meeting should take place at the border between Sokoto and Niger Republic or at the border between Maiduguri and Chad Republic. Of course, to qualify, one must be over 80, with permanent grey hairs, looking weak, withered and weary. We do know that the current cabinet has men and women who hover under or above the magic age of 70. If as a group, the petrol is a jinx to them, we certainly need people who are older. We sure need elders!

The jinx and the elders! Once we had a President who openly confessed that he was puzzled that out of doing nothing, the economy continued to totter, not falling, not really rising. Just tottering. Our romance with this type of leadership started when a young Jack exuberantly proclaimed that the problem of Nigeria was not money, but how to spend it. This was at the commencement of the oil boom. Happily, today our problem is not how to spend money (we have since excelled in spending dollars in place of naira), but how to steal enough! At the time Jack propounded the Spending Theory, we were still little boys in cornering public funds by settling for 10 per cent. These days a juicy 60 per cent is more like it.

The jinx and the leader! If you have read Ayi Kwei Armah's novel The Beautiful Ones Are Not Yet Born, you would be familiar with the insulting question he asks about African leaders. I do not agree with the purport of his cheeky question. I'll just quote it to illustrate how rude Africans can be when they want to confront the jinx that is political leadership in the continent: "How long will Africa be cursed with its leaders?" Undoubtedly, the impetuous Armah was deriding Kwame Nkrumah, the Osagyefo ofGhana!

The jinx and the leader! Africa rolled out of the era of the jinx when we opened schools, universities and research centres. That's the reason we check blood groups before we snatch a woman into our lives to avoid producing sicklers. Just fancy a parent who produces three sicklers complaining that evil people are after him, and he must report this to the elders! What would the elders say? Of course, Mr. President deserves every commendation for identifying the problem of the jinx. Reminds me of an old Esan man who accompanied his son to Murtala Mohammed Airport when the boy was travelling abroad. At the airport lounge, as soon as he stepped on the foot mat, the doors swung open. He moved back and the door shut itself. He moved forward again and the door opened itself. "My son, our enemies have followed us to the airport. Let us return to Ubiaja for consultations". I leave the rest to your imagination. In identifying a problem and its solution, we can sometimes mystify or mysticize in order to carry on as if everything is on course.

The leader, and the jinx! One of the promises made by the PDP in the North was that petrol would flow. Some of us know that the North is happily familiar with lack of petrol, thanks to the powerful few who help the economy of neighbouring countries by ferrying petrol meant for their kith and kin across the borders. I expect to get a note soon from a reader of this article in the North, that that part of the country is now flowing with milk and money, petrol-wise. It is certain that the ruling party has secured for itself an enviable place in the hearts of disappointed Nigerians in preparation for election 2003. We have been assured through the jinx theory that before 2003, all elders in the country would provide a solution to the effective and efficient fuel supply system in the country!

The leader and the jinx! Whose duty is it to break the jinx? The leader? The follower? From Mr. President's jinx theory, it would seem that it is our responsibility to break the jinx. So let us toe the line. One of our suggestions must be that Presidential handlers should ensure that our Number One Citizen avoids words that help to strengthen the jinx. Maybe like a modern President, he does not need prepared speeches, all the time. But he needs cue cards which must contain the areas Mr. President can not go to even while standing before the beauty of television cameras. In our own Africa we all know that dangerous masquerades are never let loose in the community. A handler always holds the restraining rope. Even Mr. President, so steeped in the black power of Africa, trained in modern scientific warfare, knows this. His handlers ought to know better! Or does he not use them?